Tears Of London

Drug test

ERIN

We stayed in each other arms until it was completely dark. We even couldn't see each other anymore. We got down carefully, I helped her to get through the window, then joined her in my room.
I want to commit a murder. I want to fuck that guy up. I want him to feel my hands squeezing around his mother fucking neck.
But Jo was here, with me, so I tried to keep my calm. I wanted her to feel safe.
I would never believe me if I'd say that I really told her about Emily. I would never thought I would tell this story anew, after all this time.
But she needed to know, to understand my acts. Because I needed her to forgive me. Finally, I never regretted telling her, she was worth it.
I closed the window, as it was getting cold. The weather got worst, rain came fast.
Her hair was humid, as we received some rain drops before we took refuge in my bedroom.
I brought her a towel from the bathroom, and started to run it over her face, then wipe it.
Her face hidden behind the towel, she was giggling, trying to take it from me.
- I can do it by myself, she said with her mouth against the fabric. Give it to me !
- I do it so much better.
She laughed below the towel and stopped debating to let her arms fall along her body.
- You're just messing up my hair !
- Your hair is already a mess.
She laughed.
I got the towel out of her face and looked at her.
- See ? No difference, I joked softly.
- You're a jerk.
She finally managed to get hold of the murder weapon. She started using it to dry my hair as well.
But she was so small that she had to tiptoe to reach my head.
- You need some help ?
- Leave me alone, she retorted, smiling.
After a while, we lied on my bed, and talked about anything. For example, she asked me if we could "do a drug test", and I refused.
- Why ?
- You really wonder why ?
- I just want to try. I don't want to die without having tried everything I could.
- Well, you cannot try this one. Find something else.
She stood on her left side, to look at me.
- Just a little coke, she insisted.
- Surely not coke.
- Then give me anything. You're here, nothing bad will happen to me.
She was right.
If she really wants to try it, better it be with me.
I observed her a moment, before I got up and left the room. I had some in my closet, but I didn't want her to see it. I came back with a tiny paper sachet. She straightened on her knees when she saw it.
- What is it ?
- Cannabis.
I stood in front of her, at the foot of the bed.
- Have you ever smoked before ? I asked, while rolling some - a tiny portion - in a translucent paper.
- Only vape.
- You wanna try to smoke it ?
She nodded her head.
- You'll start to feel something in about ten minutes. Your mouth will start to get dry, your heart will go fast, and you'll feel a bit cold at the beginning. Are you okay with it ?
- I am.
I slid my tongue along the cigarette to make it stick, so that it would stay in one piece when I'd give it to her.
- Thanks, she said when she grabbed it.
I approached my lighter from her mouth, and the tip of her cigarette burst into flames.
- Try to stay sat. You'll feel dizzy if you stand up.
She nodded her head again, and took a breath. She coughed slightly, then took another puff.
- Don't hold your breath for more than 3 seconds, I advised her. 
She put back the cigarette between her lips, and breathed a last time.
- That's enough, I said. You'll feel bad if you go on.
She gave me the cigarette, and I slid it into my mouth, before I light it up anew, as the fire was going out.
I had three more puffs than her, and sat beside her in my bed. 
- You took six, she pointed out to me. You wanna feel bad ?
- Cannabis is soft. I need at least six to have an effect.
She stared at me with tired eyes.
- What is your favourite ? she asked, curious.
- I like ketamine.
- What does it feel like ?
- You feel happy. Detached from your body, as if...you could watch yourself from far away.
She got quiet for a while. Then, she put her hands in the sky, molly, and started playing with them.
- I love it, she said. But I hate it too. It smells so bad. I feel like a sheep or a stuff like that.
- A sheep ?
- It smells like weird humid grass. Hate it.
She came high fast. Me too.
- Are you still into music ?
The fact she remembered...it was turning me on. Only that.
- Yes.
- Can you sing for me ?
She was being serious.
- Now ?
- Yes, so I could fall asleep.
She smiled at me.
- Are you afraid to sing for me ?
I thought about it. Am I ?
- What do you want me to sing ? I asked.
- One of your songs.