Tears Of London

Midnight drive

JO

I'm in Erin's car. He's driving like a taxi : hard and fast. I prayed god so I won't die.
Well, maybe I deserve it.
So I finally prayed god so he'll save Erin.
- Thank you, I whisper.
- It's okay, Angel. The Hutt is always open for you.
I thanked him all the more, looking at him insistently and consciously. My eyes glide to his hands, resting lightly on the bottom of the steering wheel. They are huge.
He's a sexy driver.
Abruptly, when it's time to take a turn, he jerks the steering wheel violently to the left, forcing me to hold on to the seat.
- You're the worst driver, I assert, wide eyed.
He just laughed.
- So, you didn't change your mind, right ? he asked. You still want to go at the Hutt ?
- Yes.
He smiled politely while concentrating on the drive. I am a little embarrassed by the idea of disturbing the Crew, but then I realise I finally don't care.
- Thank you, I repeat.
- Are you gonna keep thanking me the whole night ?
- No, you're right. I'll stop. But know that I am thankful.
He turns to me while we're stopping at the traffic lights.
- For what exactly ? he asks.
- For being there when I needed someone.
He turns back his attention at the road.
I am trembling since a while. I am not particularly cold, but feeling horribly bad for having left Alex alone. I feel like I disrespected him.
Culpability has a deep place in my mind. Feeling bad is my speciality. But right now, I feel like I want to hit me so hard that I couldn't feel anything anymore.
- I just...I just feel like you saved me, I whisper, very low, tears in my eyes.
- You're a bit exaggerating, don't you think ?
There is no malice in his tone, contrary to what you might think. I feel like he's just being humble.
As I was suddenly staying quiet, Erin gave me worry looks, while looking at the road at the same time.
- What did you mean, Jo ?

- I'm a mess...