Tears Of London

Rediscovering

ERIN

My father proposed me to hang out with him in the street, so we could find a coffee shop. I am not really at ease with that idea. Not only because I hate coffee (I suppose he doesn't remember it), but mostly because I had not talk to him for more than seven years.
I don't even know how he can recognize me.
- How did you find me ? I asked, without looking at him.
We just started walking, but I am already embarrassed.
- Your mother had found the phone numbers of the parents of...former friends of yours, who had moved to the same address. I thought that there were chances to... find you there. So I gave it a try, and I ended up here.
- So...mom knows my adress ? For how long ?
He slowed down a little, then simply answered by saying :
- She tried to find you since the day you left.
But she never came. She knew where I was all this time. But she never came.
She really hates me for what I did.
I stayed quiet for several minutes, as I was afraid I would cry. No way I'm crying in front of him.
- I have a question, I finally say after a moment. You're not forced to answer. But don't try to lie to me.
- Go ahead, son.
Son. The way he had to call me was awkward. It sounded fake.
- When I called mom, last time. Why did you answer the phone ?
He had a moment of stress, when he stuttured a bit.
- Because I wanted to hear your voice. I know you don't trust me when I say you matter to me, but I do. I really do. I know you're angry at me for a lot of...
I cut him off before he would say more shit :
- You don't understand. I mean : why were you at home when I called that morning ? At mom's house.
- That is why I came. I wanted you to know that your mother and I are...back together.
The new came to my ears and devastated everything on her way. I was mad. Mad at him. Deeply. I feel like, in all of this shit, I am the stuffing turquey, and that all my father does aims at destroying me.
I hate him. And I hate mom for having forgave him. After all he did to our family.
That day, I saw on my father's face he knew how much I was hating him. But what he didn't know was how much I wanted him to die.
And I was going to make sure he would know it.