Tears Of London

Reflects

ERIN

She was there. On the roof. Where I told her I stay when I OD.
She was staring at the building that was facing the Hutt. From here, we could see our reflection in the glasses.
She saw me arriving. She turned at me slowly. She smiled, a bit. But the red of her cheeks and the little size of her eyes told me she was not well.
- I thought I would never see you again, I admitted, climbing the roof to come to her.
She was looking tired. Maybe her nights are not longer than mine. Her eyes were so red. Like she had cried, but a while ago.
Even in this condition, she was looking like in my memories.
I immediately stopped approaching. Maybe she doesn't want us to get too close.
- Can I sit with you ?
She sniffed and signed me to sit next to her, tapping a red tile of the roof.
I sat down cautiously, not to slip. At this height, if I fall, I die. I wrapped my arms around my knees, and imitated her, watching my reflection in the building's glasses.
We stayed quiet a long time. It was frustrating and relaxing at the same time. Frustrating because I wanted to tell her so many things, but wasn't sure she wanted to hear it. Relaxing because she was with me, she was okay.
In the silent, I felt some things. It was like we were already talking, mentally.
- I understand why you liked this place so much, she said after a while.
I stayed quiet. Hearing her voice felt so good to my ears.
- I feel like I'm home.
I turned to her.
- You're home if you want to, I assured her.
She smiled gently. And looked at me. Her hair was a mess. But it was looking beautiful on her, in some way.
- I missed talking to you, she whispered, still smiling.
Her eyes started to get wet. Why is she sad ?
- I missed it too, I admitted. I was worried about you. I texted you.
- I know. The last month has been fucking shitty, you know.
Her voice looked broken, all of a sudden.
- I know there's something. Tell me what's wrong.
She ignored me :
- I don't know what I'm doing here. I should hate you so much.
- I hate myself for what I told you.
Her gaze went down, on the street.
- I never really apologised, I added. I am sorry. I didn't deserve your support. And your love.
She stayed quiet, listening.
- You were here when I needed someone.
I never was that honest. And peaceful while I was being.
- You never were a game to me. I lied. I never thought any of those things about you. I just...wanted to hurt you. So you wouldn't love me anymore.
She didn't say anything. Didn't retort.
I felt the need to justify myself. To even tell her everything.
She deserves to understand. She needs to understand why I am so fucked up.
- My last relationship was a disaster. I don't want to live this again.