Tears Of London

Last One

JO

Erin didn't look embarrassed. No, he was silent because he was thinking about what he could sing me.
- Wait a little bit, he says. I am not high enough to sing.
- A good singer doesn't need to be high to sing well.
I am so curious to see what kind of music he likes. What his voice sounds like while singing.
Erin laughs, then lies the back of his head on the plastic edge of the bed.
- Wait a little bit, he repeats gently.
I obey, closing my eyes. I feel peaceful.
The room is calm. If I listen closely, I can hear the Crew talking in the living room.
I open my eyes and turn to Erin.
I love him. I know a part of me will always love him, deep inside me, even if I try to move on. But I won't hope anything from him anymore. I'll take what he'll give me. I'll give him what he'll be able to take. I'll enjoy spending time with him, as a friend. Because I can't give him more love than what a friend gives. I don't want to feel that pain I felt anymore.
So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to enjoy, and stop thinking about the future. Focusing on the present is complicated enough.
Softly, Erin abruptly started singing, interrupting my thoughts.

"I lay my head on a thousand beds"

I stay quiet, looking at him carefully.

"It's been a test to see
How far a man can go
Without himself"

I am surprised how much his voice sounds soft and smooth. Sharp and tender at the same time. Even almost feminine, it is so sweet.

"I think I lost the only piece
That held it all in place.
Now my madness is the only love
I let myself embrace"

His eyes are still closed. He's not moving. He's like in trans. I feel how confortable singing makes him feel.

"I could've stayed,
But I chose the life,
I chose the life,
Then I realised..."

I lay down slowly and notice how much I'm feeling light. I'm so high, but not only. I have the feeling I'm listening to an angel singing to clean my soul.

"She might have been the one,
I let it go
For a little fun.
I made a trade,
Gave away our days
For a little fame."

He ends the song with a last sentence, then gets back to silence.

"Now I'll never see your face,
But it's okay, I adapted anyway."

I keep on looking at him, amazed. I feel bewitched.
After a while, he opens his eyes and gives me a gaze.
- I loved it, I comment. I feel like you just purged my sins.
He smiles, delighted.
- That's my latest song. I even haven't finished writing it completely.
- Have you ever recorded one of your songs ?
- Only three of them. I've got the discs, look.
He goes to the closet, gets out of it a shoes' box and brings it to the bed.
- Here is my first one, "Get In There", but I don't like it that much. Then, I have "Initiation", and "What You Need".
- Wow, Erin...that's so great.
I don't know if he has realised the job he did. And how far this passion is taking him. His talent. What I heard earlier, it was just magical. He must keep on singing.
- What is the name of the one you sang me ?
- I didn't name it yet. I will when I'll finish it.
I nod my head and stare at the ceiling. Time passes, but we don't move.
- I feel nauseous, I say.
- That's normal. Me too.
Without thinking, I lay my head on his knees. He lets me do it.
- I'm so high. Are you ?
- I am, he smiles, peaceful.
- I missed you, I dare declaring, all of a sudden.
His right hand touches my hair slowly.
- I missed you, he says as well.