Tears Of London

Secret place

JO

I woke up in the middle of the night. Or maybe early in the morning, I don't have a clue about what time we are. My head is burning. I am cold, but a lot less than before. A body is getting me warm, against me.
Erin is asleep. I think that's not the first time I see him asleep, but every time I feel like it's the first time. No, in fact I've never seen him that peaceful. That fragile. That pure.
He is turned to me, his arms wrapped around himself. He looks younger when he's sleeping.
My head hurts so much.
I need more cannabis.
I move carefully, trying to extrude myself from the sheets without waking him up.
I finally manage to stand up, and head to Erin's desk. I turn on my phones' flash to light the way to cannabis. I open all drawers, no exception. But all I can find are papers. Ink-black papers.
"Adaptation", is the first word I can read, before I notice how sneaky I am.
I shouldn't be looking at this. It might be personal.
I close the drawer and check the closet. Maybe I'll find cigarettes or something in here, that will calm the pain in my head. Unfortunately, I didn't expect the closet's door to squeak so much.
Erin moves in his sleep, gets awake then falls anew. I take the opportunity to kneel down, close to him to ask :
- Erin...where do you hide your cannabis ?
Erin moans something indescribable while opening his eyes with difficulty.
- Where did you put the cannabis ? I repeat.
- Wh...at ?
- I can't find it.
He instantly lays back down, on the belly this time, while declaring :
- You already got enough.
- No, my head hurts so bad.
- Drink some water.
I lift an eye brow, upset.
- No, I swear it's not just about water, I say but he's already back asleep.
Great. What am I supposed to do now ? Wait ? No, the pain is too hard for that.
I decide to go out of the room, walk through the corridor and get to the living room. Nobody is in there. They all must be sleeping at that time of the morning.
I walk through the living room, get to the kitchen. I can't find anything. I pour myself a large glass of water and drink it all at once.
Where the hell is he hiding his cannabis ?
I continue to check the kitchen, then go back to the corridor. I enter a bathroom next to Erin's room. It must be his.
I check the drawers, behind the curtains, in the shower. Nothing. Desperately, I look at myself through the mirror, at the top of the washbasin. It seems to be openable. I pull the corner of it, and my eyes get bigger.
In it, I find a real drugstore. Three shelves full to bursting. Full of drugs. Drugs of every kind, brand and shape. Bags of white powder, weed, grass rolls, tubes full of something I can't describe, a pack of thousands of seringues near bottles containing strange yellowish liquids.
I am almost horrified by the quantity of drugs he possesses. Maybe it's not his, after all. He could be sharing a bathroom with one of his friends ?
I take one of the tiny tubes in my hand, get it up to my eyes, to give it a closer look.
Erin's name is written on it in a red felt pen.
In fact, Erin's name is written on every single packaging in these shelves.
It is his. All of that stuff is his.
I didn't know his addiction was that bad. How dangerous he was with his own life.
Suddenly, I hear slow footsteps coming from the corridors, so I close the mirror at top speed. Erin appears from the dark, blinded by the bathroom's light.
- I found this, he says looking at me suspiciously. That should ease the pain.
He is holding a tablet containing white stamps.
- For your head, he adds as I don't react.
A part of him looks still asleep. His movements are slow.
- Oh, thanks. What is it ?
I take it between my fingers without taking off my eyes from him.
- An Advil.
I look down, at my feet, hesitating. I feel strange. Embarrassed. As if I was caught stealing. And he can feel it, I see it in his gaze.
- Are you okay ?
- Yes.
We stay silent, staring at each other strangely. A war of gazes.
-  I have to go, I finally declare.
I get out of the bathroom, avoiding him.
- Now ? It's half past 5, he makes me notice. And you had cannabis.
- I'm feeling better, I retort.
- You really don't want to wait till the morning ?
- No, I swear I'm okay.
Erin was following me in the corridor, heading to the exit. I sincerely don't know why I feel that embarrassed, and hurry to leave.
Abruptly, Erin stops walking and asks :
- Did I do something bad ?
I stop myself too, and turn over.
- No. Kelly just needs me right now. I need to go.
He whispers a low "okay" while I walk to the door.