Tears Of London

The next day

JO

It is Sunday. My only day off. And I want to see Erin. I really do. So bad.
It has been two days since I saw him last time. And I already miss him. All of him. His eyes. His voice. His touch. His smell.
That's why I parked my car so fast in front of the Hutt that Sunday morning.
It is 9 am, and I suddenly wonder if it is not too early. Maybe I'm going to annoy him. So I waited. I waited ten minutes. I did my best.

I knock on the door, but nobody comes to open it. I knock a second time. A third time.
But nobody is coming.
So I open it by myself, with difficulty.
The house is a mess. There are many plastic cups littering the floor, and some clothes, scattered on the furniture. I have to push with my feet the red balloons on the floor so I could cross the living room.
There is loud music playing. But no one, excepting a silhouette that I distinguish in the kitchen, near the sink.
It is Erin.
I join him in the kitchen without him noticing me. Softly - not to scare him - I lean against his back and wrap my hand around his shoulder. He seems surprised, but not scared. But he is strange today. I can feel it. He seems embarrassed. He turns slowly, without any form of kindness. I feel he is really cold today.
- Hi, I say timidly. Are you okay ?
- Yes.
Slowly, he moves slightly away from me, as if my touch was making him uncomfortable. This thought really hurts.
My hands detach from his shoulders to squeeze mutually. I can feel the tension between us. Something awkward.
- What are your plans for today ? I ask, just to talk.
In reality, I don't give a damn about his plans, I just want him to relax.
But it doesn't work. It even get worst. He now frowns, as if he was confused, and a bit upset. Why is he upset ?
- What ? I ask.
- Why are you here ?
His question was asked aggressively. I chose to stay calm, to show him I am not an enemy. Maybe he's drunk or something.
-  Because I wanted to see you...
- No. I mean, you're not here for money, nor sex, nor drugs, nor the party. Then, why are you here ?
I don't understand. I am lost. And the violence with whom he pronounces his words hurts me.
- Erin, what's happening ? I ask.
- Answer me, Jo. I bring you nothing. Why do you stay with me ?
His questions are so logic. I decide to stay honest. But I can't hide the trembling in my voice, that appears when I'm upset. Aren't we together, after the other night we spend in his room ?
-  Because...I like to be with you, I answer.
- What does it mean ?
- Nothing bad, I don't see the problem. Why are you angry ? I finally ask.
- I'm not angry.
- Yes, you are.
- I'm angry because you're lying to me.
I stay quiet. If I talk, I'm going to cry. Why is he suddenly rude with me ? I don't recognise this anger in his voice.
- Why are you here ? he repeats.
- Erin...you're scaring me...
-    Tell me, Josephine !
That is the first time I hear him saying my name. My full name. But I wish it was not that aggressively.
- Why do I must have a reason for being here ?! I yell.
- I know that's not the only reason. You want something. Tell me what.
What ? What is he fucking trying to say ?
- No, nothing, I retort.
- What do you want !
- Nothing !
- TELL ME !!!
He yelled at me. But that's because of the hatred in his eyes that my first tear flows. This scene makes no sense. We had an incredible time the last night I saw him. He was so nice, so kind and sweet. Who is this man in front of me ?
He wants me to tell him something. Tell him why I am here. Maybe he thinks that I want to be his friend by interest. That I want to take advantage of I don't know what in him. He wants me to be honest ? I'll be honest.
I am literally crying when I say :
- Because I feel happy when I'm with you.
But he didn't like my answer. I saw his face change : from angry to clueless, as if I had deeply disappointed him.
And I now understand, too late, that Erin doesn't like me the way I do.