Tears Of London

Past Story

JO

I am alone in the bathroom when I hear Kelly opening the door. She just came back from the grocery, with new bottles of moscato and a basket full of brand new makeup.
- Look what I found at Sainsbury's, she says, with excitement.
During a whole hour, we got prepared. I want to be unrecognisable. I want to show myself a new part of me. I want to surprise myself, tonight, with things I would have never done before.
I end up with a thick black makeup on my eyelids and around my eyes, and a dark red lipstick.

*

Thirty minutes after, we arrived at the Hutt. That was one of those nights where the living room was so crowded it was complicated to walk through people. Perfect. That's what I wanted.
Kelly and I are going in the kitchen, searching for some beer or stuff like that. We got ourselves something to drink, that was lying by the bar. That night was particularly enjoyable. I don't know if the alcohol in my veins is responsible for this, but I love it. I feel confident. I feel proud of my makeup, proud of my outfit - a sexy black dress slit on the sides, revealing my upper thighs - proud of who I am. That feeling is so hot.
I see a girl coming to the bar, alone. I get her a drink, drunk. She was black, with beautiful tattoos surrounding her shoulders until her breast. She made her hair up, and wears a short blue dress that suits her perfectly.
- You're gorgeous, I yell to her ear when she's close to me, to hug me as if we've always known each other.
- Girl, you do look amazing !
After Kelly leaves us for Malcolm's arrival, I stayed alone with Aliya, my new friend. Between us, it is smooth, I'm at ease. I already love her so much.
- I never saw you around, she says. Who told you about the Hutt ?
- My sister dates one of the owners.
- Really ? Who ?
- Malcolm.
She nods her head.
- I live here too, she declares. It is my place.
- Really ?
- Yes ! In all, we must be six to own the Hutt.
- Oh, I didn't know that !
I think about something I want to ask her. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it, I'm too curious.
- You must know Erin.
- I didn't see him. I think he's out tonight. Or maybe in his room with a girl. This guy is a real mole.
This thought irritates me harder than I imagined. He forgot you in one minute. He must be trapping a new girl. Playing with her feelings.
I hate him for what he's making me feel.
Aliya looks at me curiously as I don't say a word no more.
- Are you...looking for him or something ?
- No...not anymore.
- Oh, you...
She understood. She knows him well enough to understand that he might have hurt me. She looks sorry for me.
- Erin is...weird, she says maybe trying to make me feel better.
- Erin is an asshole. Do you know what he told me when I admitted I was loving him ? He told me he never wanted me, and that he was just finding it funny to play with my feelings.
- Erin is an asshole, you're right.
I drink my beer in one gulp.
- Now, I just...I just feel like I'm a piece of shit that nobody would never want. That sounds « pick me », but I really mean it.
- I swear, girl, that you're not the problem, she asserts. He treated you like a piece of shit, it's normal you feel bad. But I know him well enough to tell you that he would have love to make it less difficult.
Is she trying to defend him ?
- What do you mean ?
- I shouldn't be saying this, so keep it secret, okay ?
- I promise. Tell me.
She takes a look all around us to check if nobody is listening.
- His last relationship turned really bad. I mean really.
I stay silent, listening.
- Her name was...Emily. She was his girlfriend. His first one.
Emily ? I never heard about her...
- They dated for a long time, and she passed out, two years ago.
- What ? What happened ?
- It was an overdose.
I would have never expected this. Why did I never heard about this story ?
- And...you knew her ? I ask.
- Yes, but I never liked her. I've always distrusted her, to be honest.
- What ? Why ?
- When Erin met her, she was a Toxico. I mean, a real one with big alcohol problems and all that shit. At the Hutt, we were taking drugs at the time, but not that much, it was occasional. That girl brought the drugs and the problems with her when she came. She's the reason why Erin and a lot of our crew fell.
- I never heard about that story before...
- Erin never talks about it. Only the people who were here at this time know Emily, and what happened next.
- And what happened next ? After she joined the crew ?
- She lived here with us and started to date Erin. He loved her. I have never seen him fall that hard for someone. He was like...hypnotised by her. She even transformed him.
My mouth is dry, but I cannot turn around to fill myself another glass. I am too absorbed by the conversation.
Aliya continues :
- After a while, I didn't recognise him. He forgave her so many things.
- The fact she was a toxico ?
- Oh no, sweetheart. That was the least of our problems.
I stare at her, concentrated, fighting against the drunk me in my head.
- He forgave her jealousy. He forgave her violence. He forgave her when she cheated on him. He forgave her a lot of things that I would have never done.
Jealousy ? Cheat ? Violence ? Was she violent with him ?
- Why did she do all of this ?
- I think she was just a sad girl. With big problems.
- I see...
- The fact is...she didn't die with her problems. She, like, transferred it to Erin. And now, that shit is following us.
- Why do you tell me all of this ? I ask after a moment of silence.
- Because I want you to understand that Erin is not just evil.
I look at the crowd, thinking.
- I think he does all he can to isolate himself, so he won't feel what he felt when Emily died. We, I mean the crew, are the only people he keeps in his life. The others just come and go.
I know understand a lot of things. The last time, he talked me that way to make sure I won't approach him again.
I'm one of these people he doesn't want to see around him.
- I do, I conclude. I just came and went.
I need to move on.
- Anyways, as you live here, you must know where to find alcohol ? I say.
- Sure. Look at this.
Aliya shows me the way to the sink. She crouches down, open a drawer and spread a small curtain inside. Behind it, a big collection of bottles of expensive alcohol. They probably got all of these bottles by stealing.
Aliya takes out of the drawer a bottle of Bacardi, then close the curtain and the drawer discreetly.
- Now, the party can begin, she declares with a friendly smile.