Are you okay?

Chapter 6

small TW
Evangeline

I felt numb but at the same time my body ached. It was night now, however it didn't even feel like the sun had risen at all today.
I wanted to scream until I passed out, I just wanted this lack of feelings to go away.

I loved my father with every bone in my body. He was my favourite person and when he forced me down that fucking aisle, I didn't think it was possible to feel more hurt and let down than I did that day.
I hadn't spoken to him sense.
I refused to pick up his calls, even when my mother and Nathan had begged me to.
I couldn't bring myself to talk to him. The one person in this world, who I trusted more than anything, betrayed me in a way that I never thought he would.
Part of me hated him for it.

But now he's gone and i'll never be able to talk to him, or tell him that I love him again. He died alone and thinking that I hated him.

God, if i'd just fucking called him.

"Evangeline" Nathan stood at the door.
He looked more put together than I was. He'd been away all day, dealing with a lot of stuff.
By right I should have gone with him but I couldn't bring myself to even walk.

"yeah?" I sniff

I was trying my best not to break down in front of him again. This morning was beyond embarrassing now I look back at it.

"have you moved from here at all today?" he tilted his head as he walked towards me.

I nodded.
I was lying, i'd been sat on the windowsill since he'd hesitantly left this morning.

"liar" he laughed softly.

I gave him a weak smile in return.

"have you even eaten today?" he leant against the wall beside me, his eyes watching my every move.

"I'm not hungry" I mutter, ignoring the sigh he let out.

"that's a shit answer and you know that" he grabbed my hand and pulled me up.

"what are you doing?" I look at him confused.

"just c'mon" he began walking out of the room, dragging me along with him.

"I don't want to" I whined as I was basically running to keep up with his pace.

"I don't care" he replied.

He brought us in to the kitchen where he pointed at the chair behind the counter, "sit"

I did as he said and only after did I realise how much that made me look like a damn dog.
I sat there in silence as I watched him pull stuff out of the cupboards.
"there's not much of a choice because apparently we now need to go food shopping"

I rolled my eyes at the thought of doing that. Every time we'd had to go before was miserable. Spending hours in Costco was never fucking fun. It honestly made me miss Tescos.

"cereal it is" he sighed as he poured the bowl and pushed it in front of me.

I stared at it and he stared at me.
"don't make me force feed you sunshine"

"I don't like cereal" I pushed it away

"I watched you eat a bowl of this exact cereal last night, so don't talk shit" he pushed it back

I looked at it, then I looked at him, then back at the cereal again.
"Evangeline, I am giving you 10 seconds"

I raised my eyebrows at him, ready to call his bluff.

"right then" he sighed, "you leave me no fucking choice"

My eyes widened as he lifted me on to the counter beside him.
Surely he wasn't being serious?

"open your mouth now" his tone was stern

But I kept my mouth shut, he wasn't going to win this.
"open it, or i'll open it for you sunshine"

I pulled my head back but he placed his hand under my chin and pulled me towards him again.
"I am not playing this game with you, open your mouth"

I stare at him blankly, which only seemed to piss him off further.
"alright then" he huffed.

I thought i'd won until he pinched the top of my nose blocking off any source of air I currently had.
I kick at him but he doesn't budge.
"open your mouth"

I held off another minute or so but eventually I had to give in.
I opened my mouth gasping for air and instantly food was shoved in.

"don't even think of spitting that out at me" he held my mouth shut.
He looked down at me, clearly angry but there was a small hint of satisfaction in his eyes.

"fuck you" I spat once I was allowed to open my mouth again.
"say all you want" he scowled, whilst shoving another spoonful into my mouth, "I won't have you fucking starve"

"the same way you worry about me, I worry about you, now fucking eat!"

I scrunched my face up in disgust. I really didn't want the cereal but after an hour of bickering back and forth I finally finished the thing, even though it had become disgusting and mushy at the end.
I knew he wouldn't let it be until i'd finished the whole bowl.

"see now was that all that hard?" he glared at me from across the kitchen.

"yes actually" I tut

"that shitty attitude of yours it what makes it so fucking difficult to be around you" he rolled his eyes.
"like yours is any fucking better" I snap

"you cause my attitude" he walked towards me, quickly closing the space between us.

"your blaming me for your childish fucking ways?"I raised my voice, which I hated doing

"says the one i've just had to spoon feed so she'll actually eat something" he almost seemed offended at my comment.

"i'm not doing this with you" I sigh and jump off the counter, "I'm going to bed"

He waved me away before I stormed off. He drove me fucking insane. It wasn't even funny. It was killing me a little.

At least I wasn't sad anymore, just mildly aggravated.

~~~~

I tossed and turned for hours. I just couldn't sleep. Every time I would close my eyes, i'd see my dad and I hated it.

I couldn't help but feel guilty, like I could have prevented it all.
I hadn't even been able to speak to my mother yet.
Any time I called, someone else would pick up and tell me to call at another time.
All I wanted was to go home and curl up in bed with her.
She's always made things less scary, she'd always be able to make the pain go away but this time, I felt completely on my own.

I roll over and let my legs slide out of the bed. I knew I was going to regret what I was about to do but screw it.
I quietly walked down the hallway, avoiding all the creaky floorboards, i'd gotten pretty good at it over the past few weeks.

I lightly tap on his door, "Nathan" I whispered as I opened it.

"come on" he pulled the blanket down. His voice was quiet and raspy as hell. He'd clearly been asleep.

I tiptoed my way over to him and got in beside him. His heat instantly surrounding me and making me feel better.
The worries and concerns that had been running around my head were silenced next to him.

He made me feel safe and I hated that.