Nathaniel
November 18th
She tightened her grip around my hand. She hadn't done that yet.
The doctor said she might do it and that it was only a reflex but every part of me wanted to believe different. Everything Evangeline did had intention, so I was assuming that with even this.
and guess who was right?
She began coughing like crazy, finally breathing on her own. The doctor came rushing in,
"looks like I was wrong" she looked at me excited.
As far as doctors go, she'd been a decent one. She seemed to actually care about Evie. I knew my girl was in good hands with her.
She'd have to be or I was going to have to take out a lot of people in this hospital, I don't break promises.
I'd promised that if anything happened to her they'd all feel the consequences.
"i'm going to help you now Eva, just relax"
That in no way relaxed Evie, in fact if anything, that freaked her out more.
I don't actually know if she knew where she was because she'd already passed out before we'd gotten here.
That all seems like a lifetime ago now.
"you're okay" I kept my hold on her hand, that was all I could do as doctors and nurses poked at her, jabbed her and stuck even more monitors in her.
Honestly if I was her, i'd be panicking too but they needed to do their jobs.
Finally that damn thing was removed from her throat but all that followed was more coughing and wheezing as she struggled for air.
It was awful to watch.
The doctor must've seen the concern on my face.
"it's normal, don't worry"
It's hard not too.
She kept trying to give her more oxygen but Evie kept pushing her away and pulling it off her face every time. It was nice to see she was still as stubborn as ever.
"I will win this round Eva, believe me" the doctor laughed, "your o2 levels are low, I'm not about to let them get lower"
Ev continued to push her away but after multiple tries she finally gave in and stopped fighting the help she needed.
She finally opened her eyes, squinting at how bright the room probably was for her.
Overall she seemed overwhelmed, which was completely understandable.
Her eyes kept flickering around the room,
"Evie" I say softly.
She glanced at me, a wave of recognition on her face, "there your are sunshine"
She gave me a small smile, clearly all she could give right now. She seemed exhausted, that part I could sympathise with.
The adrenaline that had been keeping me running for the past 15 days had officially ran out and I felt like I could fall asleep standing.
Time for another fucking coffee.
I don't even like coffee.
"i'll be back to check on you later" The doctor rubbed Ev's hand lightly before walking out and leaving us alone.
"you scared me" my words are quiet as I traced my fingers over her cheek, "you can't do that to me ever again Evangeline Noelle"
Her expression turned to one of confusion, "what happened?" her voice was hoarse and barely audible.
My heart dropped at her words. I hadn't even considered her not remembering shit.
I was going to have to break the news to her about the baby. The idea of doing that made me feel physically sick.
"what do you last remember?" I swallow, attempting to make my throat less dry.
"Jaxon was hurt" She began tugging at the cannula again, "his arm was hit, is he okay?"
"yeah he's perfectly fine" I attempted to smile as I pulled her hands away from her face.
"but i'm not" a look of sadness flashed in her eyes.
"no baby" I shook my head, trying to hold myself back from crying.
"you were hit too"
Her face went sheet white,
"you lost a lot of blood... like a lot" I continued, "they lost you Ev, told me you might not even wake up"
I watched as tears filled her eyes,
"God I thought I lost you" I kiss her hands, "I can't live without you"
She gave me a faint smile as tears rolled down her face.
"I love you so much, it fucking hurts" I break down, finally letting myself cry.
I'd been numb for days and this sudden rush of emotions was a lot.
"I love you too" she sniffed
we fell into a comfortable silence as she played around with my wedding ring. I'd missed the smallest things like this.
The past two weeks had been fucking horrendous. Her finally waking up, although a relief and i'm glad, hasn't made this ache I feel go away.
I hoped getting rid of Isaac would help but it didn't, my thoughts then led to Evie.
This feeling was probably for her, that fear that she wasn't going to be there had caused a whole new range of emotions, this was probably just one of them.
But even now, it remained.
I suppose it's denial.
I know why it's there, but part of me hoped her waking up would fix it.
Part of me hoped it would erase the past month and a half and i'd be able to move on like it never happened.
Everyone seemed to be walking on glass around me.
None of them had the words to say. We were shit at dealing with loss, that had become apparently clear over the past few months and this recent event had sealed my thoughts on that.
Xander can't look at me, Jax hasn't laughed since that day, Greyson walks around like a shadow and only makes himself known when he needs too and as for Christian, he hasn't spoken to me since I let everything slip.
It was a punch to the gut not hearing anything from him.
He was my best friend and had been since we were 5. It was me and him first.
Now he can't speak a word to me.
I don't want pity, I don't want to be treated like i'm about to break at any second.
I don't know what I want but I do know that whatever the hell this is, I don't want it.
They'd all come to see her once a day on their own time. Never together always one by one. I'd watch Jax break down beside her, i'd never seen him feel so guilty about something. This wasn't even his fault.
I'd manage to tell myself that, even though it was unbelievably hard.
This was Ricardo, not me, not them.
He did this.
I'm so tired of cleaning up after him. He was always a step ahead and I was struggling to actually get anywhere with him. So much information was missing. There's was so much I didn't know.
This guy, from what it seems, has had years to plan this out, I was working on my instinct which I don't think is fully developed.
I'm 20 years old, this is not the shit I should be worrying about, but yet here I am.
Now here i'm sat with the one person I can say literally anything to and no words would come out. There was so much I had to tell her but finding the words was impossible.
I had to be the one to tell her about her father, now I have to be the one to inform her about her baby.
How the fuck do I do that?
"what are you thinking about?" she laughed softly, "you can't sit still"
"um" I shifted around uncomfortably
"Nate?" I watched as her expression turned.
My heart was racing as I tried to form a sentence that would somehow make this all a little easier. Not much came to mind.
"it's- it's about the baby"
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Romance*currently editing** "I turned around to see Nathan, he was already looking at me with the biggest smile on his face. His hair was already covered in snow flakes. "and I didn't think it was possible to love you anymore than I already did" he gave...
