Comfort Oneshots

Little Miles w/ CG Hobie

It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all MY fault. I shouldn't even exist. I should have just listened to Miguel. Then I wouldn't have had to watch him die. Or stayed at school and not get bitten by the spider. Then I wouldn't have messed everything up. I wasn't even supposed to be spiderman. Everyone knew it. Tears ran down my face. Why didn't Gwen tell me? Or Peter? Noir? Ham? Peni? Maybe I wasn't worth as much to them as they are to me. My hands came up to my head, hitting my fist against my temple as I felt myself begin to slip."No. No. NO! I don't deserve to slip. I don't deserve to be happy like this. Stupid, idiot boys don't deserve comfort." The faint burn that came from the repeatitive hits against my temple finally arrived helping to push the comforting fuzziness that invaded my brain when I was stressed. Long, lanky fingers wrapped around my wrist, pulling it from my skull. “Oi, love. Why we hurting ourself?” The fuzziness began creeping it’s way back in as I was pulled into Hobie’s lap. “Bad boys don’t get to slip. If I hurt I don’t slip. I deserve to hurt. ” Hobie worried his lip. “How were you bad, love bug? ‘Cause I don't think so, love. You don't deserve that. Such nice little boys like you don't need to hurt like that.” My fingers dug into my palms, keeping the soft comfort of slipping away. “It’s my fault. If that spider had never bit me my dad wouldn’t have died. And everything would have been fine. Maybe it would have been better if I didn’t exist at all.” Hobie took my face into his hands looking me in the eyes. “Don’t say that, love. You are important and loved. I am so happy you exist. And I’m sure all your other friends are too.” I scoffed. “They don’t care. Maybe that’s better. Bad boys don’t get to have friends that care.” Hobie pulled me closer to him. “Love bug, why wouldn’t they care?” My nails pushed deeper, drawing small droplets of blood from my hand. “They don’t even care enough to tell me I’m a mistake.” His hands moved to mined, pulling my hands from fists. “My little boy is not a mistake. Okay?” My head shook quickly. "Not-Not little. Don't need to be little." Hobbies eyes traced my face, searching for something.  "Why's that, love?" My eyes burned from the tears that continued to escape from them. "Being little is only for good boys. Not stupid idiots. I don't deserve that. I don't get to be taken care of. Not when all I've done is mess everything up." . "Oh baby boy." He pulled me into his lap, resting my head under his chin. "Such big thoughts, love. But you are such a good, smart boy. And good, smart boys deserve a break sometimes. Don't you think, love?" I nodded. "Right. Which means you deserve a break, baby boy. Ain't that right?" I nodded again, feeling the comforting fuzz begin creeping in again, to tired to even try and fight it. Not when it's so warm and safe here. "And I know my good, smart boy didn't mess anything up. Because he was just doing the best he could." I nodded again, slumping into him entirely. "There we go, love. Now you said there was a mistake somewhere? 'Cause all I see is a smart boy." He tickled my tummy slightly, pushing a slight giggle out and the fuzzy feeling in. "Da! I'm the mistake." Even with the soft comfort of my little space it didn't completly shut out all the negative feelings I'd been harbouring towards myself. Hobie's  lips pressed into a thin line, worry clouding his eyes. "Da? Okay?" I questioned, worried that he looked worried. "I'm okay, love bug. I'm just worried about why my little baby is having such big thoughts. I don't think such big thoughts need to worry a little boy like you." My hands drifted to his, playing with his fingers. Tears slowly built in my eyes as guilt mixed with the fuzzy feeling that was meant to be soft, pushing it away slightly but the fuzziness still clouding my brain. "I'm sorry, Da. Didn't meant to make you sad. Didn't mean to be a bad boy." I wanted to connect my fist with my head, craving the pain that would help give feeling to the pain in my head. I pushed my self out of Hobie's lap and began scooting away from him. "You didn't make me sad, love bug. You didn't do anything wrong." My fists clenched again, pushing against my head, not hitting but putting pressure. "But was bad. Made Da sad. Didn't mean to. Swear it. Bad boys don't get to be little. Need to quit it." My fists pulled away before reconnecting with my head, making the sting return. "No. No baby boy. You weren't bad. You didn't make me sad. I just don't want you to get hurt." He moved closer, moving his hands to mine again. "No, can't be small. Don't want to be small. If I'm small I hurt you. Can't hurt D-Hobie." I cut myself off, not allowing myself to call him that. Only good boys get to have Da's that take care of them when they're small. "Ok. Okay, love bug. Can you do something for me? It would make me happy." I nodded, pressing my fist against my head, putting pressure on the already hurt area. "Can you put your hands down? Don't want you to get hurt anymore, kay?" I stalled at that. I was bad. I need to be punished for being bad. But Hobie said that it would make him happy. My hands slowly lowered, laying limp in my lap. "Good boy, love bug. One more thing?" I nodded, just wanting to make him happy again. "Come here? I wanna hold my love bug." I moved to him slowly, falling into his lap. "Thank you, love bug." He smiled at me as he held me. "I'm sorry, D-Hobie." I cut myself off again. I don't get to call him that anymore. Not after I hurt him. Bad boys don't deserve Da's thats why mine was gone. "You ain't gotta apologize, love bug. Didn't do nothing wrong. Just told his Da what was wrong. Now Da can help right?" I shook my head. "No? Why not, love?" "Cause only good boys get to have Da's. I haven't been a good boy. That's why my Dad died. And now I'm gonna lose you too. Cause I'm not good. But I don't want to lose you. Don't wanna be alone. So I can't have a Da but I wanna keep Hobie. I don't need a Da but please don't leave." Hobies blunt nails scratched against my head gently. "I ain't leaving, love bug. You don't have to be alone. It is not your fault that happened. You did the best you could. You are a good boy and you deserve a Da." My arms wrapped around Hobies thin torso. "But I'm bad. I'm the reason my Peter died. Why my dad died. Miguel was right, I'm just a mistake." Hobie pulled me tighter to him. "Miguel doesn't know what he's talking about. You didn't know. You did the best you could, baby boy." My tears finally began drying. "Not my fault?" Hobie gently scratched my back. "Not your fault."