My IRL Journal/Diary

Entry 8: Nov 27th

P broke up with me. He claimed I was emotionally abusive, narcissistic, manipulative, etc. I thought K hated me. I've never seen anyone so upset that I don't like their friend. It's not like I don't like all of them, just G. And that's not bc she talks to him, no, it's because of her personality. I never tried to prevent him from talking to her, nor did I ever try to tell him not to. Well maybe I did try to tell him the latter but I knew he wouldn't listen, that's why I said it to begin with. He said other things as well. Some true. But, it made me think. Is that why Duncan isn't talking to me? Am I really emotionally abusive? I have to try to call Duncan or get him in an Xbox party. I need him more than ever. I wasn't able to add him as a friend tonight despite previously being friends with him(I think?). Now that I think about it, I don't remember. But I was able to message him so I'm not blocked. I also told C. All he said was that he was sorry. "Oh...I'm sorry...Heather.." something like that. He HAS to get P to talk to me again. After all this time, all I've sacrificed. My dignity, my boundaries, my honesty with my parents, hours of calls. I'm glad I didn't write that essay for him. I would feel even more devasted. He called me "narcissistic". Does writing in this journal/diary make me narcissistic? Maybe the reason I'm delusional is because delusions are the only thing that keeps me from going crazy. Gods I need to talk to Duncan, or Ky, or someone, anyone. Mainly Duncan, he is the only one that makes me happy these days. I can't believe P. I'm still so shocked he thinks those things about me. W was right, I should've stopped talking to him, but we had our good times as well! I'll never forget those chill hours watching Morel Orel, Code Geass, Rick and Morty, Classroom of the Elite, etc. P, I'm sorry. I don't want to be with you after this, but I don't want to lose you. Please, stay. Or at least leave with a neutral mindset about me.