My IRL Journal/Diary

Entry 21: July 16th

We talked all day! Not sure if I mentioned in my last post but he replied back to me and apologized a few times for his bad response times. Apparently it was his birthday and he was super busy. I forgive him :)). He answered all my questions too! And apparently he's pansexual. I thought he was aroace! Part of me hopes that he would consider being with me. But also, I lowkey want him to be a daddy. Not a sugar daddy but like I have the weird urge/feeling to just call him daddy. It's so cringe but that's just how I feel! I'm tempted to ask, when my wifi comes back on. He's 26 soooo ye. Apparently 21 and 26 yr olds dating isn't that big of a deal. And he was 25 when I met him soooo that's even less of a gap. But part of me has the feeling he isn't into ladies as young as myself 😅. But maybe he'll accept this proposal. He'll prob think I mean it sexually but I don't think I do. Maybe I'll talk to Ra about it on Tuesday but idk if I can wait that long. Aghhhhhh. Besides she'd just tell me that I should go for it.

His last message was sorta short and I didn't know how to continue the convo so I left it. I was thinking of blaming it on my wifi going out and then just coming up with a new topic, but tbh I think I'm just gonna be honest. I swore I wouldn't make any more mistakes in my friendships/relationships with guys and that's a good first step. Ra would be proud.

4:43am: aghhhh I can't stop thinking about him. I want to call him daddy so badly it's killing me. I went to be his pretty little thing. I want to make daddy proud. What's wrong with me? I think I get worse with every guy I talk to. I'm really tempted to tell him but I don't want to ruin our friendship so soon. I just really enjoy talking to him and hearing about his life and his passions. I want him to headpat me. I want to be devoured by him. I want to be his trophy(as long ofc it's in a respectful way).