I'm such a coward. I didn't message either of them today. Driving went well though! I didn't make any critical mistakes because I had woken up early and taken a shower which gave me energy. For dinner I had orange chicken.
Agh but forget about all that boring stuff, I need to speak up and take action. I have a feeling the dude saw my message but forgot to reply(rudeee) and well I've just been too cowardly to message the other one I've been slightly ignoring (unintentionally). I came up with this whole plan to ask more about him and I was so afraid of embarrassment I avoided it. How could a guy love anything about me? My ex didn't even love me....Duncan however, he made me feel special in a genuine way, and I ruined it with him. I ruined everything. Duncan, I know you won't see this but I'm sorry. You deserve better. And I hope you're alive. I know I keep procrastinating but I WILL talk to the other dude first and ask what to do. Then if he gives the go ahead I will message the most recent dude I've been talking to. I will stay up til 6am, I will message him. I will explain why it's important he message me back and why if he doesn't want to speak to me, and I will avoid trauma dumping. This time, will maybe be the last time I mess up with a guy. This time, if the dude leaves, it will be on mutual grounds and no hard feelings. I doubt he wants to be with me but that doesn't matter. The thing that truly matters is communication and I will communicate. For real this time. Future me, you better have done it. No excuses, because I have none. C and SC will be their nicknames. Maybe. Still unsure about "SC" but if did R it would imply someone else. Perhaps.... I think N will be a good one. Anyways time read fanfic. Oh and speaking of which,
I posted about wanting to find that good fanfic on the subreddit but someone had the audacity to call me out on one specific detail! Skxieicidie The nerve to call me someone that enjoys reading about *that* yikes. I gotta tell someone other than myself about all this. N...you're up. Hopefully.
YOU ARE READING
My IRL Journal/Diary
Non-FictionI've been through a lot through high school and my college years and thought maybe some of my experiences might help you guys. Regardless my online life has been interesting regardless. Hopefully I upload daily.
