je t'aimais, je t'aimes et je t'aimerai

I LOVE YOU - ARGUMENT

I LOVE YOU – ARGUMENT

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It's 10 am and someone keeps on banging on your bedroom door. Can't a girl sleep in peace after a hard party?

- Astrid, fuck off! I'm sure it can wait and if it can't, just call 112. You grumble.

- Not Astrid, the banging continues.

You straighten up suddenly. You don't want to talk to him right now. No, you do. You want to gossip about what happened last night with him, but the thing is, the argument was with him. And you don't want to address it right now.

You get up and open the door, rubbing your sleepy eyes.

- What?

- Hii, he just says.

- Hey, you go back to your bed.

- I just came over to drop off... nothing, his hands are empty.

You don't reply, just look at him and wait for Tom to keep on.

- You ruined my birthday party, he tells you.

- You ruined my surprise; you reply in the same monotone tone.

- Surprise that was for my birthday.

- Okay, you win this one, you give him the last word for this.

None of you talk, just awkward silence while you slowly emerge from sleep. He is playing with your cuddly toy.

- So, that week-end kind of sucked huh? Tom starts again.

- Yeah, it did.

- Could you at least tell me why?

- Why? Isn't it obvious?

- Yes, it is. But I meant why you reacted the way you did.

- Do I have to justify myself?

- Usually, no. But I'd like to understand. Not make the same mistakes again.

- Really easy: don't do drugs and everything should be alright.

- Why? Most teens smoke nowadays.

- I don't care about most teens or most people or most whatever! I care about you! You are not most teens to me. You are Tom. You're my most important person!

You can tell he is a bit touched by the way his chest moves.

- Listen, it's just a joint or two at a party every now and then. It's just a cool moment to share with your guests.

- Cool? You think smoking is cool? You listen! The way you cook breakfast for me is cool. The way you made your cousin dance on your feet is cool. The way you care about people is cool. But drugs? Not on this list.

- And how come you have this opinion? You can see he is getting pissed but is trying his best to listen.

You sigh. How come you want to appear as a boring person in front of your pairs?

- Unfortunately, I have way too many reasons. You sigh

- Just give me one, he grabs your hand and looks at you.

- Which one? Most traumatizing, less important or long story short?

- Any.

- You sigh. There was this guy, in a restaurant I worked at. He was always super stressed, so he started to smoke cigarettes to relax. But cigarettes stopped working, so he levelled it up to weed. And before we knew it, he was just high all the time. At some point, it was not weed anymore. And one day, he came to work. He was over-excited, very weird. He was always nervous but this time was special. Eventually, he attacked a client in the middle of the room. There was a lot of screaming, nobody knew what to do... It was terrible... But the worst part is not it. The worst part is, he went to the toilets before leaving the restaurants. When he saw his reflection, he tried to attack himself. There was blood everywhere, Tom. Glass full of blood all over the floor... He cut himself, badly. It was just a pool of blood. He did not survive. *

You don't know how you are not crying. You remember the lights, the red, your boss's hands full of blood while he was trying to help him... You remember having to witness to the police what happened. And yet, it's not your most traumatizing story.

- I am very sorry you had to live this, Tom hugs you. But you do know there is a difference between junkies and people at a party, right?

- Tom, you don't understand. You sigh. He had the idea of weed because he went to many parties... He did not wake up one day and look up on Google "Where can I buy drugs". He asked his friends! It was just one joint at a party and see how it ended up? You're sobbing. Tom, I would kill myself if something like this ever happens to you. It would kill me to know I was not able to stop you.

- Okay, it's okay, he kisses the top of your head, not breaking the hug.

- Is it? You think it was a bit too easy.

- Yes. I kind of understand what you mean.

- So you will stop? You ask, hopeful.

- I don't promise you I will always say no, but I'll try to do my best.

You take a deep breath. It is not exactly what you want to hear but it is a good start. You don't let him go, and he doesn't break your hug as well.

- So, how did it go? He asks after a moment.

- Not that bad for a first big fight, you smile at him.

- I agree with you. Communication was good, listening was fifty-fifty but we can work it out, he analyses.

- Yes. I would give it a 7 out of 10, I guess.

- Where do we lose 3 points?

- 1 point for arguing in the first place, 1 point for waking me up and 1 point because it was not perfect. You chuckle.

- You are a harsh judge, he laughs.

- I know, but it's to get better next time.

- Well, for my sanity, I don't want a next time, he chuckles.

- Yes, you are right.

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*Unfortunately, it is not a made-up story. The only difference is that the guy killed himself at his home and we found him the next day as we were worried he did not show up to work. I have many more stories like this. I know I sound all "drugs are evil bla bla bla" and it probably pisses you off but really, not a parent in this world deserves to bury their kids in drugs.