je t'aimais, je t'aimes et je t'aimerai

I WILL LOVE YOU - ALL BY MYSELF

I WILL LOVE YOU – ALL BY MYSELF

Sorry for the weird typo, I wrote it at work :/

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. July 22nd

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Sunday, finally! Your first real break since you're back in LA. You feel so lucky to be here in summertime, near one of California's best beaches. Your day is all planned: binge-watch Malcom in the Middle in the morning, order sushi for lunch, try the hotel SPA during the afternoon and go for a picnic to watch the sunset on the ocean tonight. This day is all for you and enjoying being alone. You can already feel the hot rocks on your back and the smell of the ocean.

Lying in bed is so satisfying, 100% would recommend it. It feels like being wrapped in a warm cloud, and having the world just for yourself. You're wondering what Astrid is doing right now, if your maths are mathing, it's 8 pm in Germany. She must be in front of her TV. That's boring. You prefer to imagine her getting ready for a date, even if it's Sunday evening. You really admire how Astrid refuses to settle down. That's your biggest wish, not to want to settle down anymore. It's not like you really want it, it's more that it's the life someone promised to you and it has been robbed. You wish you could just go on dates, without thinking about what your potential kids would look like and thinking they're kinda ugly. Astrid is your spirit animal. If things go wrong with Chris, you'll try to act like her. For now, Chris is an angel. He has checked on you every single day since you arrived in LA, more than complimented you for the launching party and sent you cute pictures of his daily life to share with you. That's what you want. That's what you need!

But you don't want to think about your love life any more. No, instead your mind has decided to rewind your biggest shame.

The human brain has a terrible habit of remembering your worst experiences when it's the wrong time. Like when you were 14, trying to be popular, and hid in the toilets to check your phone, "rebelling to be cool". You made sure everybody knew you were checking your phone, and that you were breaking the rules. And you indeed just checked your phone in those toilets. Yet, and you'll never get how, toilet paper -like 6 pieces- were hanging from your pants. And you stayed like this for at least 5 minutes before someone kind enough told you about your little problem. But the whole school saw it, the whole school noticed the toilet paper in your pants. But the whole school did not really matter, your crush saw it too. It was mortifying. On that day, you decided to never go back to the toilets in school ever again. That was too awkward.

As awkward as when you got back from that basement, after almost 20 minutes hidden with Tom, and everybody looked at you. Nathalia, proud to show you how she already cleaned everything, but sharing her thoughts about one of you being hurt. Georg, joking about what the fight could have looked like, saying how much you and Tom should fight. Bill, simply smirked with his dirty mind. Because that's what Georg and Bill think had happened: a smoochie session in the basement. That's what would have happened 3 years ago. But can't they set their mind to the new reality?! Tom is about to get married to Nathalia.

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- How can you be supportive of Chuck? You're on the phone with Astrid. He's so toxic!

- Three words, eight letters. It should be enough to be team Chuck.

- That's just Blair begging for attention, not Chuck being romantic.

- Your heart is made of stone.

- Says who?

Who doesn't love a long international call from your hotel your company pays for you? You've missed Astrid's voice, SMS is not the same, it's missing the intonations. And those are even more important when you're watching the same series from across the globe. Astrid suggested Gossip Girl, you wanted something a bit lighter but who doesn't like a bit of rich people whining?