Back To December || Aaron Hotchner

Chapter 27 - Taylor

~ December 30th ~

I turn to my other side still half asleep, and I extend my hand to touch Aaron. But the only thing I find is sheets. I open my eyes and I confirm that he is missing from my side. I check my phone and it is still 2am. The light in the bathroom is off and it is too quiet in here for him to be somewhere else in the room.

"Where the fuck are you?" I whisper as I force myself to get up.

It has been only 2 hours since we got in bed. This night was definitely eventful. After the Sergeant's SOS message last night, we got to his house but we were pretty much useless. He had a gun pointed at Leo already. Turns out he was following me all day and thought he should eliminate his threat. He is stupider that I originally expected.

Now, the charges against him became even worse. Aaron and I submitted our official findings to forensics and we should have the results by tomorrow while Leo spends the night in jail. Some of the charges he is facing are break-in, forgery, attempted assassination, assassination of a police officer, and they are still looking into him for more. His case is now at the hands of internal affairs and they are not playing around.

It has been an exhausting but great night. So, where is Aaron? He seemed stressed during dinner but once we left he seemed better. Did I do something?

I draw the curtain of the window and I find him sitting on a bench in the parking lot of the motel. I throw a coat over my shoulders and I walk out in the freezing night. I get there quietly and I sit beside him without saying anything. His eyes are red and he smells like alcohol.

"That thing you said about me crying applies to you too; Talk to me about the way you feel, because I'd rather you cry on me than do it alone" I remind him.

He shakes his head and runs his hand over his face. "I am sorry" he says

"For what?"

"You were getting along with everyone and having a good time at dinner, I didn't mean to ruin it for you"

"Is that what this is about? You didn't ruin anything, Aaron. I mean, I did catch your change at one point but you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I would just like to know when you are not feeling well" I explain to him

"Something tells me you've already figured it out" he keeps his gaze down

"I have some theories..." I admit.

"It is not like my mother presented it to you. We weren't the normal or happy household, like everyone else saw. We had many problems. The biggest being my father's temper. I still remember the yelling and the screams. I was afraid to talk to him because I didn't know what reaction I was going to get, so I always tried to assess his mood before saying the thing I needed to tell him".

He pauses. I rest my hand over his and he squeeze it. We hold hands and he looks down at them. I rub his hand and he squeezes mine.

"And he became even worse after Sean's arrival. He started getting physical with my mom, because the baby would cry and bother him at night or because she needed to go shopping and would ask him to take care of his own child. I tried to help. I was changing diapers, I was giving him a bottle, then I was taking him to and from school, I was helping him with homework; I did everything you could think of. So, then dad was on me too about not doing enough. And I learned to take it; the yelling, the insults, the slaps. I believed I was protecting them this way. And I am still trying to protect them. Sean only sees it as me pressuring him, but it doesn't matter. They didn't deserve what dad was..."

"Neither did you" I say with tears in my eyes.

His lower lip shakes and he closes his eyes. I have never seen him like this and it is breaking my heart. I place my free hand on his back and lean on him, resting my head on his shoulder. I rub his back in big circles and continue to hold his hand.