Back To December || Aaron Hotchner

Chapter 17 - Taylor

Me and Aaron went for brunch at one of my favorite places in town. I used to come here all the time when I was younger and it hasn't changed much since. It is a small hidden diamond of our town, owned by a family who lives a few houses away from my mom's -where I grew up.

Mrs. Bailey recognized me immediately and came to greet me as we entered. So did her husband who is usually working in the kitchen. They met Aaron as well, but I didn't address our relationship. The place was fairly crowded already so our interaction didn't last long, which didn't give her time for more questions.

I like being back home once in a while, but because it is a small town I hate coming across people I know everywhere I go. I am sure that the news of me dating are spreading at the moment if they haven't reached everyone already. I just hope they don't get too far...

"Taylor?" Aaron calls taking my attention. "Have you listened to anything I said?" he chuckles

"I... I am going to be completely honest and confess that I didn't hear a word because I can only focus on the veins in your arms right now" I admit.

A few moments ago, he raised the sleeves of his shirt to his elbows and my eyes fell on his veins immediately. Then my mind started drifting away in the middle of the conversation.

"And you find that attractive?"

"Of course. Veins are attractive" I run my fingers over the veins in his left arm as he sits across from me on this small table

"Noted" he smiles.

As my fingers reach the veins of his wrist, I am ready to remove my hand from his arm. Instead, he takes my hand in his. I watch as he rubs the back of it softly with his thumb. I smile and I look at him.

"It's kinda poetic. We started as a fake couple, and now we are..." I speak

"A couple?"

"Do you want to be a real couple?" I ask surprised

"Yes, I do. You are the only one I really like being around and want to keep close to me. I also have no interest in seeing anyone else" he explains.

There is a tightness in my chest. Is this moving too fast? It has been a very long time since I was last in a relationship. Am I ready for another relationship? Do I have the energy it requires? What if I don't do enough and screw it up? What if we end up hating each other again? I don't want to hate him again.

"We don't have to if you don't want to. We can keep going like this" Aaron reassures me

"It's not that I don't want it..."

"You are scared..." he sees right through me again

"I am sorry"

"No, there is nothing to apologize for. I understand. You have been alone for a long time, you have established a routine, you are in a safe place, and this feels new, unknown"

"Wow, you are good at your job" I chuckle stressed

"I don't have to be a profiler to see it. You are the first person I feel something for since my divorce, which was 5 years ago. I wasn't enough to keep her with me. Two years later, I finally had everything in order and it was all quiet, until you walked in and knocked me off my feet. I couldn't stop thinking about you after JJ's wedding because I was trying to figure out where I had seen you before. Then, 3 more years later, you come in the BAU and your sunshine smile lights the room. I wanted to be mad at you for pretending to be so happy that once I found your flaw, I ran with it. I took it too far. I am scared of messing up again -like I did for my marriage and like I did with you in the beginning. But I don't want to lose something great, because there is a chance of failure".

I listen to him carefully and he brings tears to my eyes. Did someone really make this man feel not enough? He always runs to take care of everyone. But I guess I don't know what their relationship's dynamic used to be.

I open my mouth to speak now, but I take a small pause. "I am not sure if I am ready to be in a real relationship because I am scared of fucking it up myself. You said I walked in your life with my sunshine smile, yet once you saw some of the clouds that reside behind it, you got angry. What will happen when you see the whole darkness? I don't want us to fight again. I really like what we have right now, and I am anxious that if I give in more, you will see a side that will make you hate me more".

"No" he says as he gives my hand a gentle squeeze. "I never hated you, Taylor. I promise you that. Even if I tried to, I couldn't. Because deep down I knew I was in the wrong. I was angry at you and at Sean for not being even bothered for the past. I am truly sorry for the way I treated you"

"I know, you told me--"

"And I will tell you a million times more if I need to. I am not like that, Taylor"

"I believe you. I really do". I pause. "If we do this, we will still have to break up for two months once the holidays are over, right?"

"But once you get your promotion, we will be back, and I will proudly sign you off the BAU and help you move your things to your new office on the 13th floor" he promises

"And will you put my name plate on the door?" I smile

"If you want me to" he smiles back

"I really want my partner to have that honor".

He smiles more and moves to the chair besides me. He wraps his arm around my back and I lay my head on his shoulder. I let out a long breath and he kisses my head.

"We'll figure everything out step by step" he tells me

"Step by step..." I repeat.

So, we have one week together. One week with my family, of course...