Back To December || Aaron Hotchner

Chapter 36 - Aaron

"She is anxious about commitment. With all due respect, DON'T FUCK IT UP!"

That was JJ's message a few hours before I was supposed to pick up Taylor. I am guessing she knows everything but it's fine. My concern about who knows has slowly been fading away since we started the break.

I want Taylor, all of her. That is why I asked her out officially. I heard and felt how she froze when she heard me. JJ didn't have to tell me, I knew. During Christmas we were on our own, no work, no supervisors, no one to speak against it, nothing. Now, we have more factors to consider and it might get complicated. But I am patient and willing to fight for her.

I look at my watch as I arrive at Taylor's place and I confirm that I am early. I text her that I am waiting for her at my car and to take her time. To my surprise, she comes out just a couple minutes later. I almost jump out of the car and jog to the passenger side for her.

"Hi" she smiles

"Hi" I reply and lean in to kiss her. "You look gorgeous"

"Thank you" she blushes and looks down for a moment.

I promised myself to not have sex tonight in order to take it slow but I forgot to consider how good she always looks. She is wearing a black top, long tight skirt, and my favorite gold heels. She is also wearing the star necklace I got for her. I should get her a bracelet or a watch as well to complete the set.

"Shall we?" I open the car door

"Yes, please" she says and gets inside.

I get in as well and I start the car. "We don't have to go if you are not comfortable" I reassure her

"I want to be here. I might be a little anxious, but I'd rather be nowhere else".

I take her hand and I kiss it softly. "Why would you be anxious?" I keep her hand as I drive

"Because I'm stupid...".

I glare at her quickly.

"You are great, but my past taste was really questionable which has made me a lot more cautious. And while there is nothing to indicate that you are not as good as I know you to be, I don't want it to change once we get more comfortable and real" she explains

"I know that no matter what I say, your mind will not stop reminding you of the potential danger. But I will not change, that's me. And I will let you see it for yourself".

She smiles and squeezes my hand.

I steal glances at her as I drive. Her hand in mine. The exposed skin of her stomach. Her little belly peaking through the hugging black fabric. I love everything. There is nothing on her I don't notice and don't want.

We get to the restaurant, sit down and make our orders. Taylor takes a sip of water as the waiter walks away, and I can see something still bothering her.

"Tell me" I say

"It's nothing"

"Tell. Me." I repeat.

"Not that I'm complaining, but why the sudden interest to take me out to dinner?" she wonders

"Sudden?"

"Ok, maybe not so sudden... But why now?"

"Because I don't want to overthink it anymore" I confess

"You overthink? YOU?" she asks surprised

"Yes" I admit

"You look like the guy who just knows what the good decision is. It is your normal"

"You are far from my normal, Taylor. And that is a compliment".

I get it. She isn't sure what she wants. She has many questions because she is cautious. I am here to answer any question she puts out.

She relaxed soon after. Overall, the dinner was a success to me and she seemed to have a good time as well. She smiled, she laughed, and her eyes had that little sparkle they get whenever she is genuinely happy. I want bring that sparkle and stare into it for the rest of my life.

I am absolutely in love with her. However, I can't say it because it is going to scare her. It hurts that I have to keep it for God's know how long. I will wait for her but I wish she felt more confident about it.

As I park outside her place again, I turn the engine off and walk her to the door.

"We should do it again sometime" Taylor says to my surprise

"Anytime you want" I reply, happy

"Next Sunday? If we are not working, of course" she suggests

"Sure. Shall I come up with a plan?"

"If you want to. I'd probably plan a night in..." she chuckles

"That sounds good too"

"Does it? It'd probably include pyjamas, take out while crawled up on the couch and watching a very unserious sitcom"

"I'd rather be nowhere else" I reassure her. I wrap me arm around her waist and I kiss her lips softly.

"So you're in? Next Sunday?" she asks

"Yes"

"Great. Get yourself ready for a very unsexy time" she teases

"Impossible" I chuckle and I kiss her again.

"Aaron..." she whispers and meets my eyes. "I want to take your advice and not overthink it anymore. So can I tell you something without risking to scare you?"

"Of course" I rub her back as I hold her

"I think that I am falling in love with you".

My heart skips a beat.

"I am saying 'think' because I have never had a real healthy love. I don't know what heathy love feels like. But tonight, you might have sparked something... The way you heard my concerns but didn't blame me for feeling that way or pressure me into changing my mind about you. You respected my emotions which is a bare minimum but still I don't think I have ever had anyone treat me so good. I feel like I can tell you anything without being worried I'll be judged. Everytime I am with you, I feel so happy and comfortable. You ease my fears and worries in your own magical ways. The last thing I want to do is make you feel like I am using you and delaying because of my insecurities.

"Sometimes you have to jump and pray it is not a cliff. So, I am jumping. I don't know what real love feels like but I want to explore it with you, Aaron".

My head feels so light, like I am flying. My heart feels like it is about to explode out of my chest. For a moment, I think I am dreaming. But I am not. Taylor is confessing to me... She is taking the biggest step forward for me. Me...

"Aaron...?" Taylor says, bringing back to reality.

"I was in love with you 5 minutes ago. But I think I have just fallen all over again now" I say, not being able to contain my smile.

Her eyes light up. She wraps her arms around me and kisses me. I keep my arms around her when she pulls away. I hold her in hug and she relaxes against me.

"I love you so much, Taylor" I say for the first time out loud. And I don't want her to say anything back until she is sure.