Back To December || Aaron Hotchner

Chapter 49 - Taylor

Upon leaving the house earlier, I didn't get my phone or purse with me. So, after storming out of that interrogation room I had no choice but to wait for Aaron to drive us back home. The drive was even more silent than the previous one.

My chest was hurting and I could feel my breakdown coming up. I didn't want to have it in front of him though, not this time. I don't want him to take pity on me after not even trying to understand the position I was in earlier. And what drives me even more mad is that he is acting like the moral police when in reality he has taken some decisions too...

Why can't he look over that damn thing? I didn't kill anyone! Ok, I made a mistake. I admitted that I was wrong. I tried to explain why I did it. I didn't mean for things to go like this. He has done questionable things too. So, why is he acting like that? And he won't tell me what is bothering him either. Was it the act? Was it the lying? Was it the injustice he felt? Somehow, I have to figure it out and fix it myself. Well, I am done fixing things. If he wants to fix it, he better find his balls and tell me about it.

Not able to continue with the silent treatment, I grab my phone and keys from home, and turn to leave again. Aaron doesn't stop me again which hurt me a little more this time.

I take my car and I drive with the windows down, hoping that the midnight air will clear my head. But it only makes my eyes water more, bringing me closer to that breakdown.

So, I check into the first decent hotel I come across. I collapse on the big bed and a tear escapes my eye. Not wanting to get Aaron worried I leave him a text.

"I will stay out because I need some time alone tonight. Maybe take that time to think of the things I told you, and I really wish you can understand the situation from my point of view. I am not implying that I am in the right, however your behavior seems like an overaction to me considering your acts too. I want to resolve this with you, but I can't do that if you continue to give me the silent treatment and don't tell me what is really bothering you on this one. So, if you want to talk, call me in the morning".

I turn off my phone afterwards and a tear escapes my eye. This whole situation has me feeling guilty and shitty all week, and now this fight is the last thing I needed.

Before calling it a night, I write my resignation letter on my phone and send it in. I don't know what I am going to do from now on, but it will not be this. My resume is impressive as it is, however I am not sure what I want to do. The only thing I know for sure is that I am not going to destroy my happiness and mental health further for a job. For the first time in my life I am prioritizing me.

You won, mom. Now do your little miracles and bring him back to me.

•••

The first thing I do as I wake up is turn my phone on, hoping to see Aaron's name pop up. Instead, I see an irrelevant text from JJ. Is this still silent treatment? Is he thinking? Is he leaving-- Please, no.

Maybe he fell asleep early last night and didn't see my message. But he should be at work by now, so he must have woken up and checked his phone. Maybe he missed the text. Maybe...

I let my phone down and I go to the bathroom. I take my sweet time there, brushing my teeth, washing my face, etc. I am hoping that once I am done and I pick up my phone again, there will be a call or a text from Aaron. Without checking the phone, I get dressed in the same clothes as last night and I get ready to leave, giving him some extra time to respond.

I only check when I am in the car. Nothing. I throw the phone in the passenger seat and I start the engine. I drive home, dreaming of the good and long breakdown I am going to have in the shower once I arrive.

I unlock the door and walk in unbothered. I sit on the couch and I let out a sigh. I notice the paper with the fingerprints is still on the coffee table from yesterday. I grab it and rip it apart before throwing it in the trash.

"Hey..." Aaron's voice causes me to jump

"What are you doing here?" I ask, avoiding to make eye contact

"I live here"

"I mean why aren't you at work?"

"Because I just got back"

"What?"

"Yeah. As soon as you left, I got called in to a child abduction. I thought it was an opportunity to take my anger out and then think clearer" he informs me.

His hair is wet, which means he did just shower and he is in his sweats. The most horny grey sweat-- No. Focus!

"How did it go?" I ask

"As good as it could go. Child is home unharmed, and the unsub behind bars".

I nod and I turn my back to him. I pretend to look for something in my bag just to avoid his eyes.

"I just read your text and I was about to call" he says

"Took you long enough..."

"I know, I'm sorry. Last night was a mess and I didn't realize I had my personal phone number off".

He does have two numbers on his phones, but he never switches either off. He could have done it accidentally, but maybe he didn't.

"And why should I believe that? I mean you have been giving me the silent treatment since I told you the truth"

"You are right. You don't have to believe me, but I am asking you to. I have been trying to come up with what I am going to say to you once I called you... I came out blank, which I am not used to. I truly thought about everything we discussed, Taylor"

"And?" I ask

"You were right on the part where you said I don't get to act like the bigger person here. My hands aren't clean either. And what I did, I hid it from you for months. However, you trusted me and confessed in me. I was mad that you lied to me, but I should have taken a lesson from you instead of judging you for your honesty. So if someone gets to be mad, it's you. I am sorry".

And he said he came out blank... Sometimes I hate how he always knows what to say, and I can't stay mad at him.

"You big overreacting hardhead..." I curse him under my breath as I run into his arms. He hugs me tightly and a big breath of relief leaves his chest.

"Did we really need to spend the night like that?" I ask

"No, I'm sorry" he rubs my back. "Are you really that scared?" he wonders

"Is it so hard to believe?"

"For you? Yes. You are fearless"

"I am not. I just have to act like it".

"Just so you know, I am not going to go forward with re-opening the case" he says

"I hoped so" I chuckle. "And I send in my resignation letter last night" I inform him. "But I have no idea what I will do from now on"

"We'll figure it out" he reassures me. "For now, I think we can both use the time off. It's August, let's have some vacation"

"You, Aaron Hotchner, are asking me to go on a vacation?" I ask surprised

"We both need a break, so yes. Are you coming?"

"Yes!".

I jump on him, excited this time. He catches me and laughs. I hold him as tightly as ever and he does the same. That's when I felt like I could finally breathe again.