Dark and twisty love

Coward part 1

It's been a week since Mark died and I've been staying in my trailer since I left the hospital. His funeral is today so I have to face Meredith I'm afraid she might blame me because I'm a god damn neurosurgeon I should have saw the signs.
2 HOURS LATER
I was standing in front of my mirror fixing my tie trying to wipe my tears away when my door was knocked on.
"Hey how you feeling" Alex asked
"I'm having second thoughts about going" I replied
"Why Derek your his dad what's going on"
"I was his dad and I'm a neurosurgeon how did I miss his brain bleed I'm scared that Meredith will blame me that's why I haven't been home"
"Derek she won't blame you it could happen to anyone so come one lets go" he said dragging me out of the trailer
AT THE FUNERAL
"Derek honey where have you been I've missed you" Meredith asked pulling me in for a hug
"Hi I'm sorry for not being home I've missed you too" I said burying my head in her neck
"Can everyone enter and take their seats" the reverend shouted
When everyone sat down the reverend called me up to speak and my mind blanked
"Hello everyone I would like to welcome you here today. When we saw our little boy getting carried out our hearts dropped. I never thought I would find out what it's like to lose a child but it's really really hard. Being a doctor you see parents dealing with the loss of a loved one or their child or children and you feel for them but when it comes to you it's horrible......when eh me and Meredith first decided to have kids we couldn't so we adopted Zola them Bailey out of no where came along then Mark and now that he's gone it feels that a big piece of our family was taken out......" I started to feel panicky so I walked of the stage and outside.
When I got outside I sat by my sons grave that had just been filled when I heard my name being called it was Meredith I heard her call getting louder until she was next to me.
"Oh Derek"
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So after today my schedule will go back to normal but will change a bit so I will update this story twice a day then my other two will be updated every 2-3 days