Project X (Bungou Stray Dogs X Reader)

Chapter Fifty Three

Y/n POV

The usage of possession in the fight against Fitzgerald had left me out of commission for a few days after. I had taken the time to set a surprise for Kyouka, to give her some information I'd found about the true manner of her parent's death. There was a strange tension between Ryu and I these days as we skillfully avoided the topic on both our minds. 

After delivering all the documents necessary in order to create Kyouka's puzzle, I found myself wandering the streets of Yokohama, deep in thought. I wished I could be there for the big reveal itself, but it felt wrong. Possession was an ugly thing, I didn't know how to feel about encountering Atsushi, who would inevitably be with her, after what may or may not have occurred while I was under its influence.

I had gotten most of the story from Ryu, the gist of what I had said and done. Even if there was nothing he was withholding, how could I face someone with such lofty ideals after he'd watched me kill a man in cold blood?

"Y/n-chan!" I heard a voice call out.

My eyes widened in shock. Of course, of course this was what would happen.

Turning, my eyes fell on Atsushi who was sitting on a bench. He was patting the space beside him and I reluctantly accepted his offer.

"You're wearing something totally different than you used to today." he noted.

"Posession shredded my old clothes beyond repair." I shrugged, looking down at the gray skirt I now wore in place of my old black one, "I didn't really have a choice."

"It's very put together."

"Thanks."

We fell silent, staring out into the night sky.

"Can I talk to you about something?" Atsushi asked after a minute or two of us being there.

"Sure."

"The headmaster from my old orphanage showed up today."

"Oh?"

"He'd been hit by a car while coming to congratulate me. He heard about what happened with the Guild."

"I'm sorry that happened."

"I'm not, or, I feel like I shouldn't be. The man practically tortured me my whole life. He locked me up, set me horrible tasks, begged me to hate him rather than myself all because of the tiger and its power. And then he just went and died, trying to congratulate me."

"Loyalty is a complex thing." I sighed, looking out over the water, "It always shows up in inconvenient places, sometimes for the most unexpected people."

"I can't forgive him. I really, really suffered."

"You don't have to forgive him, Atsushi-kun."

"Dazai-san said that the hell he put me through raised me properly."

I turned to face him at last, there were tears running down his cheeks.

"You're a good person, Atsushi-kun. You try hard, you care deeply, and you do what you can for those around you. Pain that could have made you harsh, that could have caused you to cut yourself off from the world, made you see the real beauty behind it all."

It was his turn to look at me as I spoke and our eyes met.

"But that doesn't make it right."

"No," I shook my head, "nothing will ever make it right. Nothing ever has to make it right. You owe that man nothing."

"And still, somehow, I owe him everything."

Reluctantly, I pulled Atsushi into a hug. His stiffness at my initial touch quickly dissipated as I rubbed his back gently.

"You sound just like him sometimes." he said softly, his words muffled by my shoulder.

"Like Ryu?" I asked, confused.

He pulled away, meeting my eyes once again.

"No, like Dazai-san. I can see why he has such hope for you."

I was speechless as Atsushi wiped the remaining tears from his eyes.

"You pretend your suffering made you hard, but you stayed soft through it all, didn't you. I mean, just earlier today, what you did for Kyouka-chan..."

"You knew it was me?" I asked in shock.

"Who else could it have been. Who else would have done something like that."

Feeling something on my cheek, I raised my hand to touch it. It came away wet with tears I hadn't realized were falling.

"Ryu doesn't love me." I found myself saying.

Atsushi's face fell.

"Y/n-chan..."

"He... he wont say it but I can tell."

"I'm sure that's not true." Atsushi tried to reassure me, "He cares for you so much, its obvious. We all can see it."

"Not in the way I care for him."

I looked down at my lap, my hand to my lips. I couldn't understand why I was saying this all to him, but I couldn't stop the words from falling.

"Are you sure?" he asked and I nodded.

"I think... I've been thinking about leaving Yokohama."

Atsushi jumped to his feet and I lifted my gaze to him. His face bore the same determination I'd seen from him so many times before and his fists were clenched.

"After you just gave everything to save it?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Y/n, you love this city more than anyone. Why would you leave it without its guardian angle?"

"Guardian angle?" I repeated softly.

"Thats what the people are calling you. You're not the Shadow King anymore. That name is vanishing. The city needs you, Y/n."

I laughed lightly.

"Who would have thought: me, an angle...." I looked back out at the water, "I'll give it three weeks Atsushi. Three weeks, and if this feeling doesn't change? I'm going."

"You've got yourself a deal."

I looked back over at him to see he was holding his hand out to shake on it. Hesitantly, I took it.

"I'll figure out a way to make you stay Y/n-chan, I promise."