Project X (Bungou Stray Dogs X Reader)

Chapter Thirty One

Y/n POV

"What a strange coincidence." hummed the upside down Dazai-san tangled in the fishing net.

"Another drowning attempt?" Atsushi groaned

"What, committing suicide alone? Never. That's so passe, Atsushi-kun." explained Dazai spinning around so he was facing the opposite direction. "I have come to realize that if I am to die, I will die with a beautiful lady! So why don't you come out Y/n-chan?"

I could practically hear the smirk in his voice.

"What is this about?" asked Atsushi, confused.

"She's hiding under that dock over there. That's why I jumped in, to tell you." Dazai responded.

With a groan I unfolded myself from my hiding spot

"Ahh Osa-san," I complained, stretching and squinting in the sunlight as all the cops turned to face me, "stop being the actual worst. I'm not even doing anything bad, I was just on my way to dinner and got distracted by your two idiots."

Even Ranpo-san looked surprised to see me.

"Y/n-chan!" he exclaimed, "How did I not see you."

"Because you weren't trying to." I answered simply.

"Who were you on your way to dinner with?" spat Atsushi, "That dog you call a partner?"

"Ryu-kun is not a dog, Tiger." I spat back, pushing past him and pulling a knife from my belt as I approached the struggling figure of Dazai, "And for your information I was going to dinner with a different friend. Not that it's your business."

"It's not like this case is your business so why are you even here?" he retaliated.

In one swift movement I cut Dazai down and began to walk back the other way.

"Three shots to the chest." I said, circling the body, "Trademarked to the port mafia but, whenever we- I mean - they carry out the three shots they tend to make the victim bite the curb and break their jaw first meaning, someone was trying to frame this crime on the port mafia and either cared too much about the victim or didn't know enough about the port mafia making this very much my business tiger."

"Who the hell are those two." asked an unamused investigator.

"Colleagues." responded Ranpo-san, "Sorry for Y/n-chan and Atsushi-kun. They really hate each other."

"I see." said the investigator before walking over to me, "Excuse me miss but, how did you know all that information?"

"By looking at the body." I answered with a shrug, "I'm sure at least Ranpo-san was on the same track as me, show of hands?"

A few cops hesitantly raised their hands as well as Ranpo-san himself.

"Well why didn't any of you say so?!" shouted the angry investigator at his team who all took a step back and bowed their heads. "So," he continued, turing back to face me, "this is a port mafia murder?"

I let out a groan and rubbed my temples in annoyance.

"I literally just said... Ranpo-san please just take over for me. I can't take the stupidity."

"No." said the investigator, "All of my officers are far superior to your private investigator."

"Oh!" cried Ranpo while I laughed a bit in disbelief, "What's your name?"

"What?" responded the victims probable lover in shock, "I am Sergeant Sugimura. The victim, Ms. Yamagiwa, was my senior colleague."

"All right, Sugimoto-kun." said Rampo, walking over and placing a hand on the sergeant's shoulder, "Solve this case in sixty seconds starting now."

"What?!" he cried in shock, taking a step back.

"I can solve it in under a minute."

"Y/n-chan has already solved it I believe." added Dazai-san and I smacked his arm.

In response, he ruffled my hair which Atsushi glared at us from across the circle.

"If you're as good as he says you are, you should be able to solve this faster than Y/n-chan or I can. Okay, give it a try Sugimoto-kun!"

"What?!" he cried again, "Um, okay, well... sixty seconds is a bit over the top, isn't it?!"

"Fifty seconds left." I called, crossing my arms with a smirk.

"What?!" responded Sugimoto, "Oh, right. Yamagiwa-senpai was pursuing a political corruption case and also investigating the port mafia. Like your friend said, the murderer's M.O. is similar to the mafia's method of exacting retribution. Maybe she was killed by the mafia members she was investigating --"

"That's literally what I just said was not true hun." I groaned softly to myself.

"Y/n-chan already said that is not true." noted Dazai at the same time and much louder than myself.

"What?" Sugimoto quietly asked.

"The port mafia's retaliatory methods are as highly specific as a government issued ID." began Dazai.

"As I said, first the traitor is made to bite the curb, then we -- I mean they! -- kick in the back of his head to shatter his jaw. As the victim writhes in agony, he is flipped over and shot three times in the chest."

"If we are being precise, yes." said Sugimoto, "But what if someone was just being lazy."

"This MO is similar to the mafias but not the same." said Dazai.

"Sugimoto-san raises a good point." interjected Atsushi, his voice shaking slightly, "What if someone was just being lazy?"

"No one is ever lazy in the mafia. Being lazy is what gets you killed one way or another." I answered darkly, "If the killer was being lazy, which I can tell you they were not, they would be dead too by now."

"That means an attempt at a cover up?" said the head investigator.

"I actually said that like, ten minutes ago!" I shouted, exasperated by their stupidity.

"Shooting two extra rounds into the body just for that?" said the tortured Sugimoto, "How cruel."

"Yes." I agreed looking him dead in the eyes, "It was. Time is up. Nice try kid."

"Too bad, you've got a ways to go before you reach our level!" smiled Rampo, "At the very least, this proved your subordinates are not at all superior to me."

status: edited October 26th 2023

editing author (years ago): when i have to look up a word I misspelled to fix it (bc im bad at spelling) I always say how its spelled out loud as I switch tabs so I don't forget so I just had a lovely moment where out loud under my breath i muttered "tor-tured" and it was very funny.