Evan Peters Imagines and One Shots

I Am Not A Robot- Jeff Pfister

"Intern. Coffee now," one of my new 'bosses' yelled.

I wondered who in hell he was talking to like that cause it couldn't be me. I continued to eat fruit snacks and watch cat videos on my computer. I had taken this job because I was bored. Being at home was pretty boring when your dad owned a portion of one of the top tech companies in the world. I was rich and never had to lift a finger. Sure, it was fun, but money brings happiness, not experience. So when my dad said his company's two best scientists were looking for an intern, I happily jumped at the position, and he lovingly got it for me.

Unfortunately for Mutt Nutter and Jeff Pfister, their worst nightmare had started as they'd met their match. I'd crossed paths with them many times in the building but never officially met them until now. I always thought Jeff was attractive whenever I'd pass by him. It was just the hair that threw me off. Jeff and Mutt were bastards who were sometimes funny. They just never understood what I was laughing at. The fact they walked around the top of acorns on their heads and still had the nerve to act like assholes baffled me. They needed to get their shit together before I release a bunch of squirrels and chipmunks into the office. We'll see if they still have their brains then.

"Um, hello. Can you hear me," Mutt asked.

"I'm not deaf, dude. I'm pretty sure I stated I had no disabilities on the application," I declared, "Do you two ever read?"

"Do you ever listen? I said go get us coffee, intern," Mutt countered.

"My name's Y/n, and I'm sorry, but I'm positive I signed up for an intern position, not Uber Eats," I responded, "You should probably ask if I can see you next."

I turned around in my chair to face Mutt and Jeff, who were both overwhelmed by my mentality of 'You're a grown-ass man. Do it yourself.' The whole stigma of interns bringing coffee and breaking their necks was complete bullshit; interns should be getting taught, not running errands. I haven't worked since Kineros Robotics took off, but I've had a job before. I knew the do's and the don'ts of the workplace, but I also knew that you shouldn't treat your workers like slaves or, in this case, robots.

"Do you even want this job," Jeff asked.

"Yes. Do I want to be treated like a butler? No," I responded, "But thanks for asking, cutie. You know. I am not a robot, but If you fixed that hair, I'd let you treat me like one of these dolls. I've seen Deadpool- and I'm way more flexible than Ryan Reynolds."

Their reactions were priceless as Jeff's eyes widened and Mutt's mouth dropped. Jeff didn't decline the offer, though.

"Hey, that's workplace harassment," Mutt declared.

"So was when you called me 'fuckable' earlier. As I said, I'm not deaf, and you two can't whisper," I retaliated, "You know, most people start their introductions with a 'hello.' You should try it sometimes, along with getting yourself coffee."

I had successfully gotten under Mutt's skin as he got up and walked toward the doorway, mumbling curses under his breath. That was the benefit of my dad being his boss. I could treat him how he treated everyone who ever suffered in his presence, and he couldn't do anything about it. When Mutt was gone completely, I looked back to Jeff, who was now back typing on his computer; he was undoubtedly the cutest one out of the two and the funnier one. He was awkward but didn't realize it because he was one of those nerds who got action. I stood up from my chair and walked over to him. Jeff tried to keep his eye on his computer, but I noticed his eyes shift between me and the screen multiple times. I could hear him gulp as I bent down on his computer desk.

"Whatcha doin'," I asked.

"I'm implementing a new code into our bots," Jeff answered. "With this code, our girls will learn to memorize specific commands. Once recorded in their memory chip, they'll do the commands naturally."

He could pretend he wasn't watching me, but I could see his tempted stare from the corner of his eye. It was cute how he tried to keep things professional, especially when that usually never happened with him and Mutt. But I understood most people would be weary and skeptical if their boss's daughter started flirting with them. Would they get fired if they reacted? Was it a setup to test them? Too bad I barely talked to my dad unless I wanted something. Other than that, I'm twenty-two years old. What was he going to do? Scold me?

"Oh, cool. Well, unlike these girls, I don't need a code for that," I teased.

"Say it ain't so," Jeff chuckled, "Do you have a mute button like them?"

"Nice comeback, but, no, I don't," I toyed with him, " I do have a coin slot, though; insert your token, and I'll do whatever you say."

His breathing hitched as he took a deep breath. He wanted to give in so much; watching him attempt to be civil was hilarious. He rubbed the back of his neck and began tapping his foot under the table. I batted my eyelashes at him as he turned to look at me. It was his eyes that got me hooked on him. Those beautiful chocolate drops stared into my core.

"Did your dad put you up to this," he asked, "Because this is not fair."

"What do you mean," I asked softly.

I smiled as I placed my hand under the table onto his trembling thigh. Jeff jumped up out of his chair and backed away from me. He grabbed a clipboard from nearby and held it in front of his pants zipper. Someone was more than excited to see me than he'd been communicating.

"See, you're doing it again, Y/n," he exclaimed.

I folded my arms and walked toward him, but the closer I got, the further he backed away.

"What am I doing," I questioned.

"You're acting like you want to fuck me," he shouted, "I get Mutt and I have been goofing around more than usual, but this kind of punishment isn't right. You can not use people's horniness against them. It's inhumane, especially when I can't do anything about it."

He was like a puppy who had just been adopted into a new home, confused and terrified. He licked his lips as he looked me up and down, studying every curve of my body.

"God, I'd fuck the shit out of you," he blurted out, "Wait- you did not hear that."

My smile grew as the truth spilled from Jeff's mouth, but I wouldn't force him to do anything he was scared to do.

"Goddamn it- and you wore a crop top," he rambled, "Your tit looks fucking amazing. I wanna bury my face in them and-"

Jeff began to pretend the air was my boobs and motorboat it. I realized I had broken him. I backed away from him and walked back to my chair. I would consider this a mission accomplished, but I was concerned.

"And then you wore those pants. Your ass is clapping when you walk- jiggling," he continued, "I just wanna get behind you and-"

As much as I appreciated the explicit compliments, I stopped him before he gave me more demonstrations.

"Alright, I get it, I'll back off," I declared.

Jeff hurried back to his desk, still hiding his boner behind the clipboard. I turned around and continued to watch the cat videos.

"I wore this for you, by the way," I blurted out,

I looked back at him.

"You said you'd stop," he pointed.

I threw my hands in the air and shrugged. I was laughing deep down inside.

"My bad. As an apology, how about I get us something from Uber Eats," I suggested.

"I'll get us DoorDash instead," Jeff insisted.

"Why," I asked.

"I can order condoms on there," He teased.

I stood from my chair and strolled over to him.

"I like how you think, Jeff," I toyed, "You know, you deserve a reward for being the best boss I've ever had."

"Oh yeah. Well, if you start sucking up in different ways, you might get a promotion," he flirted, "Just don't tell your dad, okay."

"I promise I won't," I swore, "But do me one favor."

"What?"

"Put your hair in a ponytail."