Evan Peters Imagines and One Shots

Little Thief - Russell 'SpongeBob' Hayes

Puberty should've come with a warning, but not for the sake of myself but for the sake of the pervert my little brother brought to our house. Our parents couldn't wait a decade after they'd had me. I missed being the youngest sibling. The consequence came with me having to be mature, especially since I was the only girl. My younger brother got special treatment. He was so childish because of it, but with the curse of him came his ignorant friends.

One of his friends had a crush on me. I had no clue why, but everyone called him 'SpongeBob.' It could've been because of his goofiness and immaturity, but his real name was Russell Hayes. SpongeBob was a child compared to me. My eighteenth birthday was four months ago, but he was fourteen. I kept telling him he was too young, but he wouldn't comprehend it and tried to flirt with me, anyway.

Russell and my younger brother, Jeremy, were best friends, so Russell always came around. A pattern occurred whenever he visited, though. Items disappeared from my room regularly when he'd come over. Accusing Russell of robbery was bold, and I didn't want to point fingers, but he could be strange. I needed to solve the mystery. My sanity was on the line, and I knew the perfect way to catch the culprit. Our parents left to pick up our older brother from the airport and already approved of my brother letting SpongeBob spend the night, so we had the house all to ourselves. My plan was in action.

The boys sat on the living room couch watching a skateboarding competition on the TV. I walked in front of the screen and blocked their view so they could bring their attention to me. My brother, Jeremy, sighed and rolled his eyes; I made it my civil duty to terrorize him out of love. Russell had a goofy smirk as he looked at me. I wished I had a spray bottle to spray him with.

"Hey, haven't you heard of manners?" Jeremy interrogated.

"Hey, haven't you heard of 'I'm older and I can do what I want?'" I mocked.

"Well, you're blocking our view. We don't want to see you!" Jeremy exclaimed.

"I frankly don't mind this view." Russell flirted. "I think this is my new favorite channel."

SpongeBob wiggled his eyebrows at me and did a head nod. My brother and I made a disgusted face together.

"Ew, dude, you're in heat." Jeremy scowled.

"It's not my fault your sister's hot," Russell rebutted.

"Aww, Russ, that's the smartest thing you've ever said. It seems not all your screws are loose," I teased.

I didn't even have to disguise my insults from him. He was too naïve to comprehend them. Russell smiled and looked at my brother.

"Did you hear that? She called me 'Russ,'" Russell bragged. "We're on pet name status."

"I take back what I said, Russell," I sighed. "Don't worry, Jeremy. I won't be in your hair for long. I came to tell you I finished the laundry. Plus, I folded your clothes, including your tidy-whities. I washed all the skid-mark stains out."

"Get out of here, Y/n!" Jeremy hollered. "Plus, there's no skid mark stains. Mom's only been giving me almond milk, so I haven't had that problem in weeks."

"I feel like I wasn't supposed to be here for this conversation," Russell declared.

"You will not repeat what you've heard, SpongeBob," Jeremy asserted. "And Y/n get out of here!"

"Fine, I'm going," I chuckled. "Fifteen dollars and I'll put your clothes up for you."

"Ten." Jeremy negotiated.

"Done. I'll be in your room if you need anything," I accepted.

Jeremy's room was a teenage boy's jungle. The smell of moldy sandwiches almost suffocated me as regret sank in. Underneath his bed hid enough stiff socks to start a sperm bank from his room. My task changed from putting up his laundry to scrubbing his monster den clean for my nostrils' sake. He'd thank me later, and if he didn't, I'd use that ten dollars he owed me to pay our older brother to fart in his face and give him the pink eye- out of love. I headed back downstairs to blackmail the pervert after I finished cleaning. The stakes had now risen as I'd found a dirty magazine underneath his pillow. I'd suffered so much trauma in that room, and he would have to pay up.