i need to be new

10 Dec 2023

You're a lot more awkward, you always act it at least. I deny awkwardness to the heart; I will pour you information like you asked for a feast. 

I love how I spy you out there (you know you look at me way too much), and I see your painful smile. I see you being quiet, but I can see your thoughts. I can see the emotion you contain; as you stop the football that just dropped from (seems) the atmosphere, like it was a twig. You're good at it, like males are. Tell me eat healthy. Oh don't worry, you smile when you see this chocolate. 

In Sunday School, where I love to stay, I sat next to your brother. His face shape and his freckles are the same as yours. I wasn't allowed to answer his questions-- I the assistant. But all the children who answered-- I hadn't thought of it. Everything your brother answered-- the same thing I had thought in my head. What we wrote down for Question 6, we both wrote down, no one else. We didn't share notes. I think he is me, just younger, male, your genetics. Tell me how this wasn't meant to be. 

I think we still need you over for dinner. You, my first boyfriend. Technically, you decided. You flirted. You, saying another joke to make me blush. You talking, we switch every minute between as sarcastic as it gets to the deepest darkest secrets, and sometimes I don't know which one it is. You can't say it isn't true. 

But forgive me if I make it worse for you and my sister. I still think you two should get married someday (that is if you don't eventually fall for me...). I know I won't make it worse though. You'll mature in time. You'll figure it out. I'm sure your humour will forever stay though. 

Hear your music, I know your statuses are the same. It's motivation, does it keep you from touching flames? I know it does something for you, I know the spirit in you. I'm thankful. But I almost wanted to cry when I listened, sir, I love you. That's how I know, there's pain. You know Jesus breaks all your chains, keeps you safe, makes you who you are. 

You love Him. I couldn't wish for more.