i need to be new

October 2, 2024

I have to keep writing
I'd rather watch a drama
But I need hope
From the trauma
I don't like this day
Because one of the guys who hurt me most was born this day
I don't think about it, but when I do I still get mad
I'll probably regret it forever
And I'm sad
I can't completely blame him
It takes two
Like the second of October
It's a shame
I'd rather paint with a South Korean flag
And pretend that's all I knew
Like I never wanted to leave Asia because it broke me into pieces
I was the only one at home in Czechia
But never let me leave Your side Lord
Then I would be hopeless
I'm sorry
I'm sorry for the nights I laid in the guest room
At 11.30
And I'm sorry for Chiang Mai
Last time I was a child
And then I listened to NF and cried
Because my life was gone
But one of them tried to break it
By the Lord's grace he didn't succeed
I want to dance
She said she wants to be a bad girl
I know the feeling
But if you don't respect yourself neither will they
He doesn't respect me
But that's because I let him disrespect me
Let me forget this horror
Pretend I'm innocent
I will always miss you
To the people I lost
Permanently
That I loved
Like somebody that I used to know
Like I know He's perfect for me but he's gone
And I'll still flinch that he left me for a girl he knew for two days
Isn't it crazy
God hasn't left
He still showed me how He worked
He gave me evidence
He gave me beauty
He gave me His love
When I had no hope but Him
And I was close to death He heard me
He knows it all and He loves me
I would think it's fake
But somehow it's real
Like God knew who should leave
And God saw me when I saved that kid
And then I lost so much spirit
I'm weak

The day again
Thanks for reminding
It looks great on you
But I'll hold back a little
Happy birthday to your boyfriend
I'm not telling him
And I hope he lives I guess
But I would rather forget
And I can't
And it might
Come in a heat
Because I really can't believe you
So forget me
Because I already forgot you
And now I just have to forget it's today
It feels like Christmas