i need to be new

December 9, 2024

I know
If I talk to you the rest of the world will disappear
You left like Cinderella
Your friend said
She only looked at you
He's so sweet
I realised after, there were probably people around
Friends who saw
The world probably didn't disappear for him too
He just left his friends like that fast though
I left mine
Because we like whatever this is
It's not too crazy
He just had all my attention
I know he isn't perfect
But he looked it
Every imperfection looked handsome
But you nodded quickly
Like
Oh yes

Like you had been wanting to
You walked right out to where there were less people
And gave me your hand
Like you wanted to
Like you were going to
Of course you did

He be looking at the ground more than normal
Like bro lost his head a bit
And we all need a weekend now
After that weekend
We're so dead
Do you still think I look good?
Do you remember two days ago when we locked eyes and you held my waist
And we both felt like nervous wrecks
Because everyone notices when a guy and a girl want to dance together
Ugh I like it though
We were all awkward when the circle dance was first introduced
Until we grew up a bit
You look nice when you're nervous
Touching your hair
Forget what floor you're going to

You all yell fein but don't do drugs please
My sister is a freshman and she danced with four guys
I danced with one because you were my preference

There's no way you don't know
You sold a bit of your aura
Because you were too nice?
Everyone likes to embarrass you because you are easily
But I got you out
Got you to dance with me
I like the feeling, I'm glad I did it
You're awfully cute
Blushing your face off
I should tell you
I still haven't told you

The pain is bearable
I wonder what I'll feel for the rest of my life
And I'm glad I didn't end it earlier when I felt like it
So I could feel close to your flustered face
Lock eyes with you and feel one of your hands under mine and one of them holding my waist
That was worth a lot
There's more that's worth it
Making people feel things when I write
Making people feel things when I look at them

Walking around school like a complete lovebird
My friend told me I'm still smiling
But he just looked at me
What am I supposed to do?

Does he just lead me on because he likes people liking him?
Does he actually like slowdancing?
He said yes so quickly
He looks at me genuinely now
Am I just smitten blind?

I'll always miss seeing your eyes
The foggy grey-blue that holds a harsh reality that you saw
And look how the country I grew to love is hopelessly screwed
The devil's trying to kill all of the billion people there
Squeeze them into an alley where they can't breathe
Where they can't leave
Thank you for this safety
But it's not safe
We live close to there
I met a 14-year-old American who lived in Afghanistan for the past 13 years
He can't sleep at night anymore
Like you know all the words
And you had the vision in your head
Behind those grey-blue eyes
When blood starts running down my leg
And it's a nice maroon shade, honestly
But beware of the fire and the flying

Just listen to Eminem and you'll know who knows
No one will mess with him
No diss tracks
But we all came from two people
And all the war crimes they still have covered up
Because no reparations were paid
And no one wants to know what happened because let's keep our brains clean
It was recent
You know their descendants
You are their descendants
Because you broke
Do you remember when God wiped out the planet because we got so bad?
And then He sent His Son to die for us
Because we ruined our lives
And we need His to be able to live

Less than two weeks but one couldn't wait that long
Looking for life and I can't find it in moisture, in drinks
Where I look for it
Where do I look now, because I need it
So I asked God
And I find it when he looks me hard in the eyes
And goes to touch my skin
But then it ends
And I need it again
To feel the high again
Looking for flashy colours
Satisfying
On a kalidoscope
Break my brain
Or my heart
Or my skin
Or my eyes
Save me

He's a good guy
And dark shiny nails on some smooth fabric
Colour scheme
With my skin gone rusty

But I'll forget
Because the cool breeze is amazing
And shooting baskets with everyone
Feel it in your arms
And run
And you're just a little sick
Remember how safe you are
In a dark room with your earphones in
For blissful music
I like December
It's December
He's cute
Kdrama
But I want to be exposed to you again
Waiting

Tomorrow is my birthday
Eleven years
And I'm sorry for what a fool I've been the whole time
You saved me
And look at how many times I've walked around
Trying to ignore You
But You're still here with me
And I don't even have any excuses
Because You know it all
And I'm sorry