i need to be new

August 14, 2024

Plenty of things one could write a poem about
I don't want to write about you
I have enough times already
They're great poems, just expired emotions
I don't like to talk about them anymore because I don't need to
It was funny
Do I remember as comedy what I took so heavily?
I could make it emotional, remind me of all it was
Oh, dreadful
8th grade?
Crazy how time flies
I wish the kids who are still that age couldn't grasp that kind of darkness
I'll always remember you, you were comical
But that's just me now
Not for the first 2 and a half years of high school
It'll be a memorable vibe, even if it's gone
Probably quite traumatising, but there were worse things
I was traumatised so I just gave myself more
It helped
And I'm okay now, aren't I?
There are things that remind me more, a tiktok on my phone
Photos of things I used to care about but faded to the background
You don't bother me anymore, it's just weird
You're the only one still here
No, don't tell me that
I don't like to reminisce far because some things actually hurt
How you gonna lie like that, like NF
You were quite the character
Hiding behind nothing
Almost drove me insane
3 years can change a person
Have you changed?
I know the language you speak and it's beautiful
But you're kind of ruined just like all the words, aren't you?
Or were you
Keep me from being bitter
The delight that some things can be fixed
I'm buddies with one of you
One of you
And we definitely weren't
I remember how his jaw jerked when I didn't talk to him at the party I invited him to
I remember one of the coldest, deadest stares I ever felt
And I remember how it burned every second like hell
But the healing is amazing
Like fresh cool rain, maybe mist
Like heaven
Blue, grey
Or gray because I'm not British
It hurts a little when it's over, but doesn't it always?
Crazy how it begins with a moment, a millisecond, a little slip-up and it's never over
We'll fix this someday
God will
Good to know I can walk with the load of all the things on my heart and it's okay
Because it's all okay now
It's okay