October 21, 2024

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by absy_22k

by absy_22k

I asked for caffeine in the morning and didn't get any
I'm either falling asleep or have too much energy for my own good
He gave me character compliments all day
I will cry now
What would I do without this?
"You have an amazing daughter"
But I feel like a fake most times
Shame probably visible on my face
What would I do without you?
If I quit on reading my Bible for the first time in 15 years
Save me from this
I said I'll read Psalm 119 next time
And next time came and I forgot
True mysteries are hidden
You had your best mood when I had my worst
At least we can balance out
I submitted a paper that was a quarter done
Because I've slacked on everything
I scroll my phone after I get home from school
I listen to music to dull the emotions that would attack me otherwise
A few days ago when I was suicidal I had to work out and do sports or I would die
But now I don't
I'll do nothing
So excited for basketball though
Oh hey there's a handsome guy over there
That's crazy
My mom said everyone knew he loved basketball
Makes sense
Why is he good at everything though?
I've never had a smoother conversation with a boy I liked
Never had a longer one
Never went home and actually wanted to talk more
To just sit with you
Because you make the silence comfortable
And I can't read you so maybe that helps
I can see your insecurities
But you glow
And I can barely bear your eyes but it's okay
Not too much cheese please, I can't bear
I don't want to go back but I'll get a dress so I can flirt with you
Even though let's just be friends because I don't want to be rejected right now
Brainstorming things to say to you
I don't want to be vulnerable
Isn't it crazy how this is reality?
I just realised today that I'm an adult soon
What is this?
And I'm not jealous of my sister
Because I'm still good
But I wonder if they got word
Because he looked at me there
A little concerned
I like the picture
I'm so brave
I spoke to you in a hoodie
You make me feel so calm though
Like cozy and comfortable and safe inside
Like how Japanese music makes me fall asleep
Even if you eye me weird
Or look into the distance
I still like you
Thank God I'm a girl
You give me a feeling
Like the top of the spiral
But it'll be okay
I know boys don't respect girls who don't respect themselves
I hope you know how special you are though
You give me insane butterflies
Like you have something so much more stressful to think about
But you still give me a thought-out answer
Why do I like you so much?
What if I don't?
You're just you.
How dare I forget the cornerstone
If you live and you do everything right except for Him
You never actually lived
Who cares about anything when all we should is You
You make every little thing worth it
Without You it truly is chasing the wind
But somehow You never come up in the conversation
Like You're there but not important enough to pay any mind
Where were we when the foundations of the earth were made?
There, because we know so much
I still think you're good looking
It's been a while
It's a hot title at the top of the newspaper pile
But no one cares anymore
I remember when I smiled in my head when you walked around the cafeteria at lunch scrolling on your phone
If I need wisdom I should ask God
But it's on Saturday night
I shouldn't be fine with showing that
You're a man, you have eyes
But I like it
I'm probably still blushing over here
It's very sketchy
A sketchy website
Country music in the earphones
It's emotional
What does everyone know?
Because you're public news apparently
I just missed it
I know I said you're cute earlier but dang
I can feel my face turning red
Circle the emojis and draw red lines on their cheeks
Oversized white tee
Go to the court 5 minutes before break to beat the boys
Basketball practice
Seventh period was cancelled
Do I need his opinion?
Tingly
I'm very problematic
Like you make everything better with your comfort
And the peace is like the calm before the storm, it's so great
But here the building is wrecked
And it's my fault
Called me out, not wrong
Take me back to when I needed You
Now I'm just saying words that come to mind
Do they have meaning?
Because we need more shading, as I want to hide in the darkness
I didn't stop having dreams
A conversation
I shouldn't be concerned
But I missed you
You walked right by