i need to be new

City of Enchantment (July 27, 2025)

Tales of a city that I never called home
Tales of my issues and God's wondrousness
Tales of the irony He wrote in my life like it was a book I studied in English
And I know He did it

To roam the streets and think
It's not beautiful like most see beautiful
But to me; it's the royallest I've ever seen
All the problems I had here
That blew up in high school
The nights I stayed out
At Sonic (quite a disaster)
At a pool party (less so)
At a Bible study with older girls I barely knew
How they told their younger siblings to beware of their father
But they longed for God
And they made cake
And they invited people over Snapchat videos
And one of the girl had too many issues
And tried to change it all
She would get weepy and turn on her Christian music
In the dark, in her car on the way home
And I love her
I still remember how I found my brother
He was never weird about it
How he made them immediately change the song at a pool party because I was there
When he came and saw me when I was sad because I was quarantined
And he stood at a distance and loved like Jesus   
For the nights I got in his car and he took me home
For when he was a captain when we chose volleyball teams
And no one wanted me because I sucked
And when I was the last pick
He chose me
He ran across the court and hugged me and said "Love you, Abi."
Which meant 200 first picks.

You know
He's a swimmer
You know
Someone else is too
One would give his life for me and one would take mine from me
One would treat me like trash
One would be so patient
Love people with that gentle heart of his

And I won't take credit
They all came and hugged me
They all loved me
I said "im selfish" they said "are you dumb"
And I hugged them all and I told them all I loved them
In my 8th grade awkwardness
And I see them still today
Just like then when we found God
And they praise Him
With all their hearts
Who knew there was such grace of God
Such beauty
Such strength and suffering
In this town no one comes to
Too many broken here, wasted
But the Church
The Church loves them so well

And I wish
That I could always live here with those I love
But there are other places too and other people
And these people all grew up and changed locations

Those folks with the same eyes
I forgot their personalities but I remembered them bright as day
I recognised them like a flavour I used to love
And I love personalities
I miss them like a hole in my world when the people are missing
It's full of love

You know which swimmer I knew first
And which I knew last
The one who loved me
Not the one who hurt me
You know whose name the one who loved me shares
Another one who hurt me

You know I have family here
And I never called the USA home
But I have to run any guys past her
And he's 17 hours away but if I need anything I can call

And my girlfriends
Don't get me started
We're not close anymore
But they were precisely what I needed

And God knew my heart
And that some things would wound it
And it would take me long to process
He orchestrated everything beautifully
He never did leave

God knew I always wanted a big brother
And he gave me one
In a way He knew I needed

I started things and got ashamed
I grew up in pain

But I saw things
And God has never changed since those
He's still good enough
He still has the people my heart can't bear to be far from

His best friend died when he was in high school too
On the road too
With the same middle name as someone else
In the same seat
He drove by him
Didn't know it was his friend
Came home and told his mom there was a big wreck
But he'll show Jesus to them all, I know

Their voices sound like home
Because of all the nights they came and packed our bags
And kept us safe
Does he still play frisbee golf up there
Where planned parenthood thrives
Oh did I forget to mention
How God put on my heart the people of Houston
Because of these people's hearts
The Jews
Oh the Sabbaths that I cried for them