November 27, 2024

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by absy_22k

by absy_22k

Moving screens, lets ram until we fall over
I'm pleased with how we did
Impressive, our coach is chilling
But we didn't make cuts

It gets dark and the hearts stir
On the phone after, said she was close to tears
Maybe it's broken
She said she won't hurt feelings but you hurt hers

The song plays and I have to thank You
For all the gifts, all the beauty
I could never repay You
He had to text us to say 'don't panic'

I'm not panicking
Texting on the bus because we're on the bus
My brain is clouded
Why can't I think?

Great is His faithfulness
For He wrestles with the sinner's heart
See it and give glory
But we forgot it's His world
When we walk in worldly danger
And we forget we're dumb like everyone else
And He's God
And He can win our hearts even though it's a wrestle

Isn't it funny how we look different on the outside
And the same on the inside
Sometimes it gets you somewhere
Even if the somewhere is nowhere
No one kept the standard so God offered His

We don't want problems, still we make them for ourselves aplenty
And I can't judge because I've done the same thing

Should I do that thing? Yeah, it's dumb but
Maybe it will work
Word of my mouth
I only live once
I'm only here for a few months more
Why not risk it?
I think I'll do it
If it gives me life it's okay right?
We better keep our eyes on Christ and recognise Him

But I can't read you
The box you're in keeps changing drastically
You're calm and comfortable in sport
But not internally
You're agitated for no reason on a normal school day
On the side of the wall looking sus
You won't move if I walk by
You smile but not really
I never know what tone you'll use
What is that turmoil
I get passion in my chest without letting it in
I have to remember you're not them
They were your ancestors
Mine too I'm sure
You're not them
But I'm speaking Mandarin
Your eyes got dark
I should be careful then
Because you're careful but you don't really care
Or do you
You care like me
Everyone said different things
And you work hard
I know that
Except when you stare at the wall and don't get your notebook out of your bag
For 50 minutes
It's funny
What is this turmoil
That has you collected
Friendly
That has you raising your hand on a Friday
Because you're not right
We're not right
In the right spot
The one smile I got out of you
It was beautiful
It was once

You knew I was talking about you on the bus
Two rows in front of you
You're beautiful
I won't deny
Inside a little muddy

You a little lighter somehow
You dribble so well
Sweating is nice
I like what I'm wearing
Your best friend looks at me whenever I walk by
So of course that means something
Of course
And you smile
You always do
Unless the chair is broken
And you would rather get some more kills

I don't like you
Nope
But since last year
Should I repeat it
Your eyes on the bus got me nervous
But others don't compare
With the attention you give
With the direction you have
Am I seeing things or am I making it up?
Tell me
It's almost your birthday
Relive last time
A good Christmas break conversation
Hugs
The smiley face because I gave you something once
I miss you
Like I used to know you
Dancing
You were excited for formal
Grabbed your phone
Did it live up?
No A division
But you're with your friends now
I should think about other things now
I don't need you in the least
Some random magnetic thing exists though
I don't know

We get emotional so we need to share it
But just know
I'll always be here for you if you need anything
Call me up
Because when it hurts we still get up
We keep going
But I know how life is too
I'm dying just like you
So call me up
Because you're not alone

Because I was quiet in the car back home
I'm kind of frustrated about it
Disappointed
Sad about it
But she said she was sorry

So it's okay right?
That made it so much better

And the one in charge said to keep it up
Even if effort is all I have

Because I will love you still
Even if you hurt me a million more times
Even when the love starts to hurt
And I wonder if it's dumb
Because you're gone

But we still have heaven
We still have hope

It's been two months
Since the day you were sombre
Why does time leave?
Because you're going too
I hope you live

Too bad volleyball isn't the worst
And it's not just a blind kid or team drama
How much turmoil is everywhere
There's much worse
Humans are problems
We're just broken
God has fruit in heaven for the healing of the nations
To heal we must be broken
And who knows His ways?
Or His plans?

I remembered
It's good to talk to You
And how much I've just had to thank You for this time You've given me
You've done so much that's amazing
In everyone
In me
It's all so beautiful in the end
Even the most broken moments
And tomorrow is thanksgiving
And I'm so thankful