i need to be new

June 27, 2024

''Why are you emotional?'' --M.R.K.
''Don't ever wish for any less emotions than you have. Even Emma, my beloved friend and mentor who can physically feel the emotions of people around her, doesn't wish for that. Emotions are what God uses to signal the good, and the beautiful, and a world without those things would be a world no one would wish for. Reason can only signal the true, and even I who have learned to use it as a weapon would readily relinquish it for the sake of keeping the good and beautiful. The truth is a God-sized issue, and trying to map it is an impossible task, while the good and the beautiful can actually satisfy. It's wonderful how He works through all three.'' --S.E.K.

Who knows
Not me
If I was Riley in Inside Out my whole console is blue
Not turquoise
Blue
Has it been such for a while or is it recently
Did all the thoughts build up, and now they're attacking me
All the lies
And it hurts
I'm getting nauseous
My head hurts
My shoulders
It's weight on my heart
And I keep forgetting to breathe
I have to take deep breaths
And now I feel like I'm sinking
Like the sadness is an ocean that I'm in
And the effort to keep my head above the water -
That's what I'm fighting for
I'm not even flying above anymore
Just trying not to sink
And I don't know how to swim
I'm so sad
Everything hurts
When I'm in cars I can't look out the window
Am I a hopeless cause?
All the songs I listen to say
I just wanna go home
But I know I never can
Home is gone
Everything's gone
I lost all my friends
I'm just trying to keep breathing
And my heart pumps fast
The bloodstains I forgot were there
He said "you look sad"
He did
Not anyone else
The one I used to stand in a pool with in first grade
I remember that he was colourblind
I remembered somewhere in my head
I forgot I did
Everything hurts
Don't think
Don't feel
All the people you lost that you'll never find again
But they meant the world too
And I lost my world
Do they care?
Because everything hurts
I don't want to talk about it
Because it got hard for me just last year
How we're refugees
Oh the pain
Where I stand in the shower and stare at the wall and the tears fall like a waterfall
And I'm lost
Where'd I go
Does it matter
I'm so sad
It's just sadness
I'll be fine