i need to be new

May 13 2024

What did the feminists do?
I wanna live back in the days, back when society was built differently.
I think I might have come up with my own fiction though.
I can't be Amish in a normal world, I can't pretend I'm not well into the 2020s as a young adult.
Everyone keeps saying-- someday we'll all have jobs, we'll all apply for some, what career field, what talents?
But I'm a woman, whoever said caring for a household, a husband and children were in any way unfulfilling?
A far fetched dream, who homeschools anymore?
A far fetched dream, but can I get out of world drama?
Move to some place out of the way in Kyushu?
I'll just find a Korean or Japanese husband (as if).
Someone who walks closely with the Lord and loves the people around him. Someone who will love me, stay with me, teach me. Someone with the brains and ambition to get him somewhere, if not passion alone. Someone who will go on runs with me, play with my children.
More, but traits I've seen:
I'll probably fangirl, these are specific people,
But most guys when we dance, they don't know what they're doing,
But you, you led me,
Not a dispute, I didn't have to,
You held me,
You asked how I was,
Super friendly,
Subtle confidence with yourself as a person,
But not an arrogance, a look who I am,
But then I liked you,
All you did was blush a few times,
Still friendly,
Sat next to me, kept your head down, and worked the whole time
I slight smile always plays on your lips
Face strong but a gentleness about it,
You don't throw a fit like they do when it goes the wrong way,
Get hit, don't quit, cringe but it fits,
It's like a battering ram, you're the wall but you hold up,
Don't flinch, movements accurate for the situation
And then you serve them, work hard to your very best,
How you can be so confident and so without arrogance at once flabbergasts me,
You're not awkward, that's admirable,
You don't mind your mother sitting with you and your friends at lunch,

I've seen the way your eyes boil when you talk of God your Saviour,
Your honour for Him that great,
Your humility making you that much better,
Your heart growing white with His home made in it, as you further know the blackness of it

Am I mature enough?
Incorrect style? Personality? Ability?
I couldn't make it like your mother did,
or am I lying to myself?

I'll still be practical, get a nursing or teaching degree. I like math. Maybe teaching

This is my dream,
Is it far fetched?

Because I like it,
I think it's a good idea.
I'd rather be simple,
Be fulfilled,
Have love,
Grow,
Watch,
Work,
Share the Lord with everyone.
Is it too controlled?
But I fade away into it,
It feels like a home I never knew I had.

But does this person actually exist?
Is it a joke?
I know perfection doesn't exist, not in the human race.
Someone exists,
And it's okay if my plan is all wrong.
But I love Japanese eyes.

Bye?
I don't want to do IB.
Can I do this dream?
If Adonai wills.

I know my life is His, for Him,
is this dream honouring to His design for us?