i need to be new

For That Boy (5 Feb 2024)

You did everything for him, poured out your life
He was the fruit of your labour
Like a beautiful flower, your beloved Prince Charming
Full of life and joy
He sits back and watches everyone but you were privileged to know his heart
Meet his emotion when he smiles with ice cream, giggles lightly at a joke
He thinks you're cool, he loves you, mom, he wants to skateboard, they see him bike, he's pretty good.
But they could never know -- that young person is your whole world.
He's a runner, he's a trackstar
He plays basketball til the fifth time his parents call him in.
He finds a space and falls in love in desperation, longing just like me, curiosity.
But don't catch him staring at his phone in the dark now.
Caught a little smoke in his lungs, purposefully.
He watches something he's not allowed to now.
Fakes the words that he plays in his headphones 'cause he's popular now.
He likes being in, they all love him now.
And then you left him.
It wasn't your choice.
And now they're lying in beds, trapped with themselves; the dark they sleep in only pretends it will leave.
They wake up, but if you see their pain.
The frustration of a job went to waste, hands on his head, kicking the dust.
Jaw torn to shreds, could you misread the shattered look on their faces?
But you have it the same.
You broke the chain with a stamp of your foot, some blood mixed with pain and a risk.
And you never want to leave them; they mean so much to you.
Like God coated them with His glory, so they look like Him.
Little mini Hims.
If only they sang hymns.
But if you cry, we'll all cry with you.
If you need help, we'll be there to do everything you need for you.
If you fall and can't walk, we'll carry you.
You are still safe, you're ours, after everything is finalised.
Nothing you did changed who you are.
No matter your personal score, God won, and His is the final play.
His grace is enough for us.
You know I used to love you and now I still do, it doesn't matter if you hate me.
Can't believe it's been so long, I hope it keeps getting better.
I hope the worst is past us and we can get through the next part like the champions we are.
Close the curtains so they can't see us, can't see how I fit in your arms perfectly.
I'll be your fan to the end, keep next to you when your head is down.
You know I stole my second phone's password from you.
And there's probably plenty more we never said and didn't do.
You're so dry but you're so kind, and if I missed something, I apologise.
But every time I watch you on a court or off, I'm reasonably pleased that I know more than your name.
Are we the same with our outfits, same thought patterns, brown eyes, had our last names connected?
I love your accent like it's my own. I get used to things quick, got in tune with the system, not new to this thing.
Your brothers, they're my brothers.
You've got a piece of my heart with you wherever you go, so be careful with yourself.
Be careful with yourself because you're valuable.
I don't want you wasting away when you could live free from stains-- your artistic pen!
You know you'll hurt me if you do; I love you.
But you weren't too bad to hang with; we both got through our struggle like majors, saints.
But if I think too much I'll probably start missing your gaze on me, and what good is that for us?
If this sounds like I've loved you all along, just know, I didn't.
Will you dance with me?