i need to be new

January 8, 2025

Oversee the river
Watch it keep flowing
The air is dry when you reminisce
But a pleasant light sweeps through the big sky
You're there now
White, almost yellow
The whole world is laid out for you
Streets, the talking of walkers and the honking
The boats that the illegals live on
With their solar panels and their rice cookers set up
(Give me a man after midnight)
But order tea
The waitress has an apron of dark grey and black
It used to be trash
But they're saving the world
One recycling restaurant at a time
Because a Japanese businessman decided he could
The same tea you always drank
Back home
Where you came from
Where I read books about
And I studied the language
And I told the businessman he couldn't
But no one probably listened
No one cared about the odd scent in the storage room
Why would they care to smell it?
Why would they care but to have their pizza
It's right in front of them
And they chose each topping

But you have your tea
Jasmine or green
A pretty glass pot
All yours
A balcony
All yours
You're closest to it
You pour it into your teacup
You took two drinks of it
You had nothing else
You held a strange resemblance to someone else I saw before
Accustomed, adjusted
You stared at your phone
Not at the river reflections
To imagine what perhaps it looked like underneath
Thinking through words and thoughts in your head
And you left your tea there
You looked around a couple times
You noticed me watching you because you looked like someone else
The calm solemnity in your eyes
The purposeful motion
The curiosity
You adventure in fear
I could assume you were from there
In the hilly country where they go out at 3am and live in skyscrapers in their 20s
But you can't tell
They are hard workers
But nothing was right
Your head played constantly but your eyes didn't
So did you live there?
Because you left your tea there half drunk
Didn't notice the reflections from all angles
Turn around in a circle and it will keep changing
Whatever your favourite colours are, those will they be
And whatever you want to see, whatever you want me to be
Or do you not know?
An ancient people turned modern and

I'll only ever like footballers
Apparently
He played differently
And I'll miss the places I never went
That were real
Because some are creative
And maybe I am how I never confessed
And I have a home I never acknowledged
But I found things I liked here
I'm so thankful God gifts us with change because I need it
I like the vibe
Where you can be yourself and dance
Because it's a hot summer night like always
The stars are out
Or if not the city is bright
Or if not we are
The TV or the words from the books are glowing
And you smiling in your head because I know you
And me all comfy
I want to bake cookies
With you

Thanks for these years I'll always laugh about
I already talked about most of the things
The agitation of heart
But the unexpected companionship
My one friend since 10th grade
We've had arguments
I'm pretty sure she's the nicest person I know
My sister's ex isn't over her yet
But he's really sweet and I'm thankful for him too
Ugh I love the little traits that set us all apart
I love the emotion that breaks the surface
When we lose, when we win, when we leave
When we hug again

Til we hug again
And we actually see the light
The next time we turn around

And the warmth that encompasses our hearts is alive
Full of purpose and grace
And we love because He first loved us

It hurts a lot
When I miss you and we're both still here
I forgot I knew you, I thought you wouldn't care
Even when I cared about you
You nodded at me when I came in the room
And I barely smiled back
I never gave you attention
I loved you though
You'll always be special to me

And people change
Some friends just left me
I don't know why
So I said bye already
Even though I haven't left yet

And some people changed
So I said goodbye
Already