Away

Forty-six

Will this picture make up for the angst I'm putting Azula through? >.<

I sit up in bed between Hitoshi and Kami, we must've fallen asleep cuddling. I take a few deep breaths, trying to calm down and not repeat what happened last time. I grip my hair, glancing over at my boyfriends to make sure I didn't wake them up. Doesn't seem like it. Good, I don't need to worry them over a stupid bad dream. As long as I stay right here I won't repeat what happened last time. "Why am I like this?" I mumble to myself.

Should I text Keigo? No, probably late. If he's not patrolling then he's probably here sleeping with Toya and if I text him now it could wake Toya and I don't need him to worry either.

" 'Zula?" Hitoshi sits up a little, yawning a little "Something up?"

"I'm fine." keep it together Azula, "Just a bad dream, nothing to worry about." I assure him even though everyone else would consider that a nightmare.

"Are you sure? You're shaking a little." 'Toshi sits up more "What was it about?"

"I don't remember." I state, please believe me and not ask more about it.

"You don't remember or it was bad enough that you don't want to talk about it?"

I don't answer him, please don't ask any more, please.

"That bad," he says "I won't make you talk about it, okay? But you can when you're ready. I'm going to go get you some water, okay? Will you be alright for a sec?"

"I think so." I whisper.

He gives my shoulders a squeeze and kisses my temple before getting up and going to his closet, tossing me a hoodie. "For while I'm out, I'll be back in a sec." he tells me.

"Okay." I answer, putting the hoodie on.

He gives me another kiss, this time on the forehead, before leaving.

"Azula?" Kaminari yawns next to me a few seconds later, "Where did Hitoshi go?"

"He went downstairs to get some water." I tell him, keep your voice calm and stable Azula. Don't need to worry him too.

Kaminari hums, wrapping his arms around my waist, "Lay down, pretty please? I want to snuggle."

"Sure." I lay down again and Kami snuggles his head on my chest and I put an arm around his shoulder. "Are you sure this side isn't too cold for you?" I ask him.

"It's just right with the blankets on and then when Hitoshi gets back."

"Okay, want to make sure."

Kami hums before I feel him relax and fall back asleep.

"Sorry for taking a bit. Sero was downstairs." Hitoshi walks in with a couple bottles of water.

"It's fine. Kami was awake long enough to have me lay down again."

Hitoshi chuckles as he sits down on the bed "Here, though I don;t know if you'll drink much without spilling it." he says after opening one of the bottles.

"I'll manage." I remark before carefully drinking some of the water.

"So, do you want to talk about the dream?" Hitoshi asks.

I shake my head "Even if I wanted to, I can't because it'll put you in danger because of the context needed for the dream." I admit softly.

"Like what?" he asks.

I shake my head "I had barely told Shoto what happened purely out of emotional exhaustion."

"Okay, you don't have to tell me the background. What about a very watered down version of the dream?" Hitoshi asks, putting the bottles of water on the nightstand.

I think about it for a second, maybe I could do that? yOu'Ll SeEm WeAk tO hIm. I bit the inside of my cheek. "Okay. I think I can do that." deep breaths Azula, you don't have to give the details. "So, a little while back, I was mildly pressured into doing something pretty bad that I won't get into. The dream was about Dad arresting me for it. He said some shit that I don't think he'd actually say, I dunno. The cop walks me past Fuyumi, Natsuo, Keigo, Toya and Shoto who also said something that he wouldn't say. And tonight, my brain added a new part."

"Wait, you had this dream before? When?" Hitoshi asks.

"Yeah, a couple days after I did it. Don't worry, you weren't there at all."

"Still makes me feel bad that you had the dream at all. What was the new part for tonight?"

I take a deep breath "I was in jail and you and Kami visited me. I can't tell you about what all was said because it's specific to my crime. But it ended with you and Kami breaking up with me and telling me to not contact you guys if I got out of jail."

"Why didn't you wake us up?" Hitoshi asks me "Or at least me; you can talk to me."

"I know, Hitoshi, I know. It's just habit. A stupid ass habit of bottling everything up and either get my emotions out with a punching bag or-" God fucking damnit Azula, you are acting like a weak ass bitch.

Why the fuck am I fucking like this?

Fuck I wanna cry, I wanna tuck myself away to never be seen again. I just- fuck.

"Stuff in your past forced you to be independent in just about every aspect of life. You had to grow up, but you don't have to be anymore, or at least not as often." Hitoshi says, grabbing my free hand in one of his and the other on my cheek "You got me and Kaminari now, plus you got your sibling and Hawks. I know it'll take a bit for you to get used to it. Just please, try to not go through shit that you don't have to."

"I'll try." I tell him. He kiss my forehead, "That's all I'm asking for."

He snuggles against me with an arm over me and Kami. "Are you going to try to get more sleep or stay up?" he asks me.

"No fucking clue." I admit, usually I don't.