Even now, I continue to find pieces of you in my heart
I love you, and I miss you
But things as they were, were not meant to succeed
I still am left wondering
Are you eating enough? Are you any better than you were?
It is no longer my place to know, or even try to comfort you
We were hurting each other, for a long time it seems
And even as badly as you wounded me
I am not bitter, I am not angry.
I am simply sad.
I continue to wonder why I continue to see your name, where you live on television, in passing. It makes my heartache.
And yet, I do not know if I would even find peace in your arms again, because something tells me I wouldn't
Not because I'm over you, because in truth, I will probably always love you. Even if I tried not to.
I want you to be happy, even if that's not with me, words with a bitter sincerity in them.
Part of me wants to believe that you never truly loved me, but I am unsure of what to think, knowing you so swiftly sent me back home, to heal.
I am unsure of what this feeling is, it's a bittersweet taste. Knowing that I cannot ever hope to completely erase you from my life, and I may not even want to in all honesty.
You gave me plenty of good things to hang on to, even at the end of what I thought would be our forever.
Knowing you would rather struggle than continue the pain we were both experiencing, I am unsure if I should commend you, or mourn for something that may be fated to be an endless cycle.
I miss you, I do. Even if you weren't good for me in the end
I have done the reflecting to know that we just fell apart
And I ate up so much of myself to continue loving you, it made me hopelessly miserable
Because I just wanted it all to be okay
But I know that even if it's not the choice I'd wish you made, it was for the best.
You inflicted such a deep wound into me, that I no longer know if I will ever be the same for it
Perhaps it's better that I'm not.
I never gave up on you, and for better or worse I am proud of that.
I know there was a lot of good in our relationship, even if I was so frustrated at what wasn't
I am grateful for you, and I will miss you.
There will always be parts of you, lingering in my heart, not because I want to keep them there, but because if I ever plucked them out, I may bleed in grief for a future that will never be.
I will always love you, even if you ever stop. I know that in some eventual reality, the cosmic dust I am made up of will join yours, and that is a minor comfort, in what feels like the worst pain I've ever felt.
I am unsure why I am still wanting to comfort you, for hurting me. Perhaps it's because even in the end, I just don't want you to think I ever wanted to give up you, I didn't.
Perhaps it's the kindness you always said you liked in me.
Or maybe it's in the way that your touch kept me sane.
I didn't realize how difficult it would be , going back to a life of touch starvation.
It was so easy, to take it for granted, how wonderfully vibrant my life felt with it.
And I feel as if I am missing a part of me, because it is now with you.
I will always love you, even if I never get to hear your voice again.Even if you find someone else to love you in a way that I didn't, that I couldn't.
Part of me wishes these words could reach you, but they won't
I can simply lay them on the ground, in a way that feels like I am in the graveyard of our relationship
Looking at all the things that have begun to die, that will never be again.
What I wouldn't give, just to be called your darling just one more time.
Wherever you are in life, I just hope you're happier.
If not now, when you need it most.
