Somewhere along the way
I stopped feeling much of anything
It's like my body goes through the motions now
Dreaming of the day it all starts to make sense
When all the pain and suffering pales in comparison to the joy I'll feel someday, I hope
But in the now, it's all so blurry with what is real anymore
I no longer feel like sleep is real, or at least the dreams are maybe
That love is in forms I can't yet grasp or attain
I can't seem to cry, or yell in frustration
Making jokes only seems to stave off the impending downhill feelings
It's more difficult today than many days before
For it feels like dominoes in neat rows cascade to my ill fated destiny
I no longer see these things as malicious
Just disappointments that come one after the other
Sometimes I wonder if that is all I'll ever know, in chasing something that should feel worth fighting for
Or be it in looking for the love I romanticize in my musings
Or perhaps I am not meant to know any of things, out of the curse of the human condition
In finding meaning in that suffering, I still hope find something more
