YOURS

chapter 51

To My Rani,
Date: 21st November 2021

I remember Rani, when finally talks of our marriage started, Padmini Maa and Rekha Maa had always thought, that ours was an infatuation which we would out grow as we mature, but Rani did you know you were my one and only destiny, since the day you were born, I had assigned myself to you, in whatever capacity you require. And you were mine to love and cherish. And finally my wish was coming true, you were going to be mine forever.

I remember, how I tried to drops hints to you and our mothers, that now we have grown up, and that how I was soo lonely in the big city, and that may be I'll find some city girl as their daughter-in-law, but all fell into deaf ears, it was only after I had threatened them, stating that I might as well run away with you, had they agreed. Now that I recall about those days, I laugh at myself, how immature I was, and may be that was the reason I could not handle, my most cherished desire.

You know Rani, our house, I built it remembering all the things you had talked about through your childhood to your adulthood, I tried to imitate all your wishes for our house, and the smile on your face was worth it. How your eyes had a glow in them every time you saw our house. How you went from room to room just to feel the surroundings. You used to admire the surroundings and I used to admire you. My beautiful Rani and now my legally wedded wife.

But then I had to spoil it. Spoil it all.

But Rani trust me, I never cheated on you, how can I? Cheating on you would be as painful as cutting my own limb. I was blinded Rani, I just got blinded with success and the greed to earn more, to over power more, to dominate more. The funny thing about power is, it can completely surround you in such a manner that everything else becomes a blur.

The day you left me, and I saw your car getting submerged in water, was the day, the Rajendra in me died, and only your Raja was left behind, alone, scared, desperate. Who was no one without his Rani.

Yours
Raja

***

To My Rani,
Date: 31st January 2022

I saw you again, today, I could not believe you were alive. For a second I thought I am dead and I am finally reunited with you, My Rani.

But no you were breathing and alive, My Rani was in front of me, but she was not my Rani anymore, I had destroyed her. My smiling Rani now only ever frowned or did not show any emotion at all. You would eat, sleep, weep at times and repeat.

My heart would bleed Rani, when I saw you in that state. I used to stand hours on end outside the place where you stayed with Rekha Maa, just to catch a glimpse of you, and everyday it was the same, my Rani, I could not see, the smile, the courage, the fire, everything that made Rani, Rani, were missing, and I had done this to you.

I wanted to apologize to make things right, to beg you to take me back, give me one chance to explain myself, but I always met with a desolate Anjali, who had lost the will to live, who was just letting life pass her by.

My love, I could tolerate everything your anger, your hate, even your violence if you had decided to strike me, but I could not tolerate you withering away, I could not tolerate you giving up on life, I could not tolerate your lips which were missing your smile, I could not tolerate your eyes, which had become dull and lifeless, without the fire and spunk which made you Rani, and so I decided to be the villain you thought me to be.

I would give you everything Rani, everything back to you, which I snatched from you.

Yours
Raja

***

To My Rani,
Date:  18th April 2022

I am happy Rani, today you fought with me. Your eyes were burning with rage, your tongue was striking like a viper, and your nose was flaring like a bull. Your cheeks were a rosy shade of red, and you looked absolutely stunning. Call me a masochist but this was exactly what I wanted my Rani was again ready to fight, albeit against me, but she was ready to fight again.

I loved how you challenged me, the more you challenged me the more road blocks, I built in front of you. Don't hate me Rani, but I had to this was the only way to make you My Rani again. I knew the stubborn you would not yield in any other way, no matter what I said no matter what I did, you would never look at my face again with love, but I wanted you to look at me, even with hatred, I wanted you to feel for me even if anger, I wanted you to despise me all you want, if that would help you heal, if that would help you to let go the pain in your heart, if that would help you to be Rani again.

But Rani, as you know, Your Raja is very selfish, and no matter what he is unable to let that selfishness go, when you called yourself Anjali, it hurt, when you took help from that stupid Lucky, it hurt, when you looked at me with suspicion but him with trust, it hurt.

I was going to let you go Rani, I promise, well that would have been a lie, I can never let you go, no matter what, I am even complaining about you, to you, that is how much I need you, there is no one else for Raja, so Rani I am sorry, but I will never let you go not in this lifetime or any other, and I will become your partner in every sense of the word, just give me sometime, OKAY!

Yours
Raja

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A/n

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