Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
╰┈➤ There are many things left to regret.
ALCOHOL WARNING!!!
Angst to fluff :)) ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
There was so much noise surrounding him, grating against his eardrums as though they'd bleed. He couldn't bring himself to focus, even as he proceeded to toss a pair of dice onto the table in front of himself. It seemed as though he was indifferent. Although he had bet his life, there was no sense of anticipation or adrenaline on Aventurine's features. Beneath the casino lights that favored Aventurine's beautiful face, he simply observed as he stole the game, claiming his life once more. Somehow, it disappointed him. Perhaps he was hoping to lose for once. Then again, what did he even have to lose? Aside from his own life, he had nothing left. He felt emptiness. Even when he teetered on the lines of life and death, Aventurine felt no fear. He felt something similar to relief instead. That in itself scared him. If all he had left to live for was the relief of dying, why would he live at all?
His slightly intoxicated mind was swirling with terrifying thoughts. Some were intrusive, others simply too incoherent to make anything out of. Aventurine could barely even pick himself up when his spirits crashed. All he could do was sit at the poker table, wearing his stylish smirk on his lips like a proud emblem to hide his own scarred, wounded skin. Aventurine dreads the day where he will bleed out, revealing the terrified and pitiful being that he truly is beneath all of his charisma.
The lights overhead practically burned on his skin. Aventurine, sweaty and drunk, struggled to hold himself up in his seat as he rolled the dice yet again on another mindless gamble that he knew he was doomed to succeed in. Over and over again. Others around the table seemed to laugh off Aventurine's astounding luck. While he attempted to mirror their jolly laughs, he could only manage to let out a brief, sluggish and slurred scoff. From there, Aventurine's throat seemed to shut. He felt flushed from the alcohol. His thoughts were causing him a massive headache, and to be honest, he couldn't even see what cards he held in his hands— forget what he decided to play. Yet again, roars of laughter and approval seemed to echo in the casino as Aventurine seemed to steal yet another round. Victory zipped past him. He felt no joy. All he could think about was how his head was pounding. Not just pounding, he could almost feel his brain pulsating. His eyes were slowly starting to dry out, as was his mouth.
Aventurine lifted his spare hand, concealing the one that violently trembled behind his back. He forced his dry, almost hoarse voice to casually excuse himself from the table, much to the others' surprise. Nonetheless, they offered him their goodbyes and playful jabs. Aventurine waved them off with a halfhearted croak of a laugh. As he stood, he could practically feel his head growing heavy. He could barely hold himself up. Aventurine let out a weary huff, and once he was safely out of sight, he leaned on the wall, stumbling through the hall of the casino. At that point, he didn't even feel regret. He still couldn't feel human, even as he stumbled and hiccuped from drunkenness. He so desperately wanted to feel. He envied those who could feel so strongly. Those who can lower their heads and release their pains as they shed tears are nothing short of blessed. Aventurine sees it as a gift whenever he has the chance to finally shed his pains for a rare moment of respite.
"Aventurine?" The familiar voice almost startled his drunk brain. Aventurine forced himself to lean against the wall as though he was casually enjoying the atmosphere, only then processing who was there. He couldn't bring himself to smile at the Trailblazer, but he wished he could. "Hello, friend." He spoke, forcing himself to avoid slurring his speech— which only ended in failure. Aventurine almost laughed. His first failure in what felt like years and it was all because he drank too much and fried his brain. Your expression shifted, "Hey. Your poker table's pretty loud." You commented as you began to lean against the wall beside Aventurine, who only scoffed. "They can be," he replied with a soft shrug. "Why're you here? I didn't take you for the gambling type." You responded honestly, "Not usually, but sometimes I like to look for you." Your smile widened, though you knew Aventurine was definitely drunk and likely wouldn't remember much of this conversation later. Aventurine's expression softened slightly. "..is that so." He bluntly replied, almost in disbelief as he turned away from your inspecting stare.
You already knew that he was drunk, so him turning his head truly didn't help his case whatsoever. You stuffed your hands into your clothes pockets. "Yeah, it's true," you laughed under your breath. "I didn't really think I'd find you tonight." You confessed. Aventurine didn't bother laughing back. "Surprise." He sarcastically replied. You nudged him gently with your elbow, laughing as you did so. "C'mon, you're so stone-faced tonight!" As soon as you threw your arms around him, Aventurine could feel his chest tighten. His heartbeat leapt, almost in a way that he usually only felt while gambling.
In that moment, a strange sense of clarity pierced Aventurine's drunken state. He immediately wrapped his arms around your neck, pulling you close to himself while his clarity remained. He clung to it so desperately. He was grinning from ear-to-ear as he realized something. You sank into his embrace, scooping his body closer to you in the process. Your soft laughter made Aventurine's eyes sting as he let out a laugh of relief. In truth, he truly could feel. He didn't really need to get drunk to feel something— he was stupid for ever thinking that way. In his rare moment of genuine happiness, Aventurine buried his face into your hair and clothes, laughing all the while. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe he really was just that happy to see you. Either way, you happily returned his enthusiasm with your own.
He never realized how much someone can mean to him until he was teetering between life and death. Betting himself away as per usual, winning with ease; but then, realizing that happiness is really just that simple. After losing everything, he failed to see the value of cherishing someone or something. But in that oddly specific moment, Aventurine felt a sense of harmony and belonging. Cherishing someone and being cherished became his salvation, and he was so happy to finally experience it.
