Castles crumbling (Taylor Swift's little sister)

Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it (Taylor struggle with Sh)

TW: this chapter mentions self-harming. If you're dealing with this, as for help please, let them help you. You deserve to be loved and not hurt yourself.

Since you were inpatient again, Taylor was struggling herself to stay on track. She reached out and was writing a lot, going to therapy and doing her best to not fall into old eating habits. She wasn't restricting, she was having most meals with Andrea, with Tree or going out with friends, like Blake. She was still having trouble with not compensating, exercise was still not something she could do without trying to compensate for eating, but she was trying. She was not purging. She was doing fine. Yet, her anxiety every time she went to visit you was rose like crazy. One night she couldn't take it anymore and remembered how relieved she felt when she used the cutter on her skin that time. She looked for something to hurt herself with but had nothing. She was frantic and ran to your bedroom to look in there. Her heart sank when she opened the door and the room was colder than the rest of the house, you had been gone for 2 weeks now and everything was just how you left it, no one had entered after you left. She walked to your desk but of course there was nothing in there, no scissors, nothing. When putting back the jar where you had some markers in, she accidentally dropped it, then bent over to pick them up but had to go under the desk to catch some. She noticed you had a blade taped underneath the desk table. Her heart dropped. She just gathered the stuff to put it back in the jar and put it in its place, that's when she noticed a shiny light coming from one of your books. She opened it and another blade showed. She saw your old retainer's case and opened it: another two blades. Taylor just closed it and put it back in its place again. She wondered how many more blades you could have hidden in your room; she wondered if you had blades in your current retainer's case, the one you had with you in the clinic. She started panicking but then remembered that the staff went through your stuff and checked it before giving it back to you when you went inpatient, so if there was a blade they probably found it. She just wanted to hug you. Why did you hurt yourself so much?

Taylor put everything back in its place and prepared to leave your room, close the door and not go in there again. But she ran back, used her nails to take off the tape under the desk and take the blade with her. Just in case.

She went back to her room and decided to take a hot bath to help her with the anxiety she was feeling. She took off her clothes and when she saw her naked body in the mirror while the bath filled with water, it was like a tabula rasa she could do anything on. She took the blade and did a few cuts on the skin on top of her right hip. It hurt. But it also made her feel immediate relief. She repeated the process on the other hip. It hurt even more. She cleaned the blade and hid it inside her own retainer's case, shoved it in the back of the cabinet under her sink. The bath was filled now, and she jumped inside it. The places where she cut stung badly with the touch of hot water, but she was also reminded of the relief. That night she went to sleep feeling guilty for having self-harmed but also guilty because it actually made her feel a bit better.

At the next day she had breakfast with Andrea and then headed off for a run, then came back home and got herself ready for a virtual meeting she had with Tree about releases dates. Tree texted an hour before the meeting and invited her over for lunch and then work, she wanted to check on the blonde, she knew that she was trying her best, but still wanted to show support. Taylor thanked her and headed over there. Once she got there, she offered Tree to help her with the food making but the redhead refused, saying she was the host. Taylor just sat on the kitchen counter to keep the redhead entertained while she finished cooking.

- "How are you? Like really"

- "I've been good. It's always hard not to have Liz at home, but I'm trying to keep myself busy and resting" the blonde responded.