|Doppelgänger| Five Hargreeves

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟔𝟎

 I slammed the bedroom door behind me, not even on purpose, just completely losing track and control of my own body. My hands were still shaking, and I felt nauseous. If I had actually eaten anything before, it felt like I'd have puked by then.

Without even fully taking in my surroundings, I managed to drag myself to the bed by the corner of the room, sitting on the mattress and sinking my fingers in it, trying to ease myself with the soft texture of the sheets. I tried taking a deep breath, but the air seemed to get stuck in my throat in the process.

My eyes started to sting annoyingly, and a wet sensation hit my cheeks. I immediately raised my hand to wipe the tears away, refusing to let myself be weak at that moment. But maybe it was no longer my conscious decision to make.

_"I don't want to cry...Come on, this is too much."-I spoke to myself, my voice faint and failing. My body slowly dropped to the side, my head hitting the single pillow that was neatly placed on the bed. Dust flew into the air.

Memories started to go past my mind. Old and new, yet all centered on the same person. I so wished they weren't just memories, as if the sight of her smile in the present moment would save me from all the pain of the past days. Months. Years. Maybe she would hug me again, let me curl up in her lap as she sang a soft tune, or told me a bedtime story. Run her fingers through my hair, braid tiny pieces, let me feel again how it was to be someone's most precious being. I could no longer remember that warmth.

I pulled the pillow that supported me to my chest, hugging it as tightly as I could, trying to apply pressure in my chest so the hurting would stop. It was so weird if I stopped to think about it. I was a thirty year old woman stuck in an adolescent body, crying in a bed and hiding in a room I didn't even know who it belonged to because I missed my mom. Anyone seeing that scene would think it was pathetic. But I'm the only one who knows how long I was keeping all of that inside of me, and how suffocating it was. It felt like I was dying for all those years.

The knots in my muscles slowly started to unravel themselves as I sank deeper into my memories. If I tried hard enough, I could hear the echoing of my mother's voice calling my name, her gentle laugh bouncing on the walls. It was as radiant as I remembered, as if she was reaching out to me through the years.

As I finally felt myself relaxing, being able to feel the sensations in my legs again and the pace of my breathing, I let out a shaky sigh. My eyes were closed, the wetness of my eyelashes almost making them want to stay that way. But then I heard the door opening.

_"...It's so weird to see you in that bed. Deja vu is what they call it, right?"-I heard Ben's voice. It was familiar and completely different at the same time. I immediately lifted my head from the bed, staring at him with my vision blurred.

_"What?"-I questioned with a hoarse voice. Just then, I looked around to notice the room's appearance.

It was quite bland, however, the curtains and other small details were all in my favorite colors, the paintings on the walls were very much to my liking and the handwriting in the notes on the bedside table was my own, just more sophisticated. I realized I was laying in my own room. This timeline's one, that is.

_"Oh. Sorry. I don't think I should be here."-I wiped my eyes again, sitting on the bed and letting go of the pillow. It was weird now to maintain eye contact, so I stared at the ground.

_"Technically you shouldn't, but it's also right where you belong. Great discourse back there, by the way. You're great at stating your ground."

_"I'm not, actually. Never done that before. Not with my family, at least..."-I confessed. I heard Ben slowly walking around the room. Didn't seem like he had an actual reason for it.