Life Is A Rollercoaster (Ronan Keating / Boyzone / X Factor) fan fiction

Eighty five

The doctor's clinic told me to go straight to the hospital and to take somebody with me. I tried to call Ro but couldn't get through, tried his parents landline and there was no answer, so I endured the agonising journey by myself. 

The hospital was less than half an hour away from our house, but that half an hour felt like a lifetime as I drove through the streets of Dublin, with tears blurring my vision, an intense pain in my stomach and a dull sense of loss in my heart.

I felt numb as I made the short walk from the car park to the maternity ward where they'd told me to go. I sat with all the expectant mothers in the waiting area and waited for what seemed like hours. 

Just as I was giving up hope, the nurse came out and looked around "Mrs. Keating?" she asked loudly, a few people looked up at the mention of the name Keating. I stood up and she nodded at me. "Follow me please"

I followed her down a maze of corridors to the room that I recognised from only the month before. I felt sick as I realised what she was about to do. "Can you lie on the bed and lift your top. We need to check for a heartbeat?"

"Did you bring somebody? Your husband?"

I shook my head. I couldn't speak, I was paralysed by fear.

"Ok well we'll have news as soon as I can get it" she said reassuringly and began to rub gel on my small bump. As she began the scam I could see her look at the screen, look at me and then look at the screen again. I followed her gaze and looked at the still image. I swallowed hard as my worst fears were confirmed.

There was no heartbeat.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Keating. I know this is hard" she said gently "but I need to get the doctor to check your over. We might need to perform a procedure, just to clear the womb"

I just nodded numbly. I needed ro here now. Why wouldn't he answer his damn phone!

I went and got checked over by the doctor, his face was full of concern which only made me more upset that Ro wasn't there, and he made it even worse by saying that I'd have to go back the following day just to make sure that the foetus has been completely removed.

I hated him calling it that, it was my baby. Mine and Ro's 2nd child. I told him I'd be back the following day. I made my way home somehow, to this day I'm not sure how I did it, Ronan still wasn't home so I went straight upstairs, threw myself on our bed and sobbed.

Just when I thought I couldn't cry anymore my mobile started ringing, and the ringtone made me fall to pieces all over again.

Oh, Let's start thinking with our hearts

Then this world, can make a new start

Don't lose sight

When you just cannot fight no more

That's when I need you

That's when I really need you

That's when I need you to call me

Ro got home late that night. I don't know what time as I could barely muster the energy to lift my head off the pillow, let alone look at the clock. I heard him put Jess to bed then heard him creep into the room and felt his warm body against mine as he climbed into bed beside me. I first pretended to be asleep and wasn't sure I could face telling him yet, but when he put his arm around me I couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Ro" I whispered in the darkness and rolled over to face him.

"Hey you're awake" he reached out and touched my cheek gently. "Babe have you been crying?" I nodded even though he couldn't see me, my cheeks were obviously still wet with tears. "Yeah" I said brokenly. "Ro we lost the..."

I lost it again and started sobbing uncontrollably. "Babe what's wrong. Come here" Ronan sat up and pulled me up with him, held me close to him whilst I sobbed into his shoulder. I finally broke away and looked at him "we lost the baby Ro"

I felt Ro loosen his grip on me to reach out an arm and put his bedside light on. I blinked at the sudden brightness. He stared at me wordlessly for a moment. I must've have looked a right state. I'd been crying for hours before he came home. "I'm sorry Ro"

"It's not your fault but ho..."

I swallowed. "I tried to call you Ro, but there was no answer. I've got to back to the hospital tomorrow for a D&C"....

"Oh god Vic, I'm so sorry I wasn't here" he said, his grip on me tightening. I could see the tears in his eyes and got a lump in my throat. Ro hardly ever cried. We sat there for the longest time trying to comfort each other, but it was pretty useless. 

We both felt wretched. 

My appointment was for 10am the following day so we were both pretty bleary eyed as we sat in the waiting area. We'd dropped Jess off with Karen and Mick on the way to the hospital, and made our way in silence. 

Neither of us having the right words to say...