Catharsis II: An Army of Words (AUDITIONS)

Applicant #19: Faith and other Blasphemies

                               "Wise men have interpreted dreams, and the gods have laughed."

                                                                                                                 --H. P. Lovecraft, "Hypnos"

I wish I could tell you how simple and beautiful it was to die.

Alas, the end to every pain and happiness contained inside a soul... my soul. Or maybe a beginning to another life; reborn as a cleansed entity. But it wasn't any of that.

Rather, it was a marvelously brutal continuation.

God held my hand while death slowly seized my soul. He wasn't what I expected Him to be; His face was very young but His eyes claimed otherwise. He didn't let go until my last breath, the brevity of eternal happiness emanated from his touch; pure bliss beyond ignorance.

"This is your reward and your burden –you will remember..." And then without warning I felt all my memories rushed back to me.

A baby found inside a box; an orphan, a waitress, a student, a girlfriend, a teacher, and eventually, a mother. It was surreal to see my life in someone else's eyes, too see my own pain, joy and purpose drown me. There he was, my baby, my son. I can finally say to my child the words that were withheld to me. I will never leave you, my child. I will love you forever.

The orphanage was the only thread that tied me to that which eluded me since I was born. That home gave me a family. It was where I've learned what family meant to those who were born without it. And because of that irony I decided to live and not just exist. I chose to see the good in every person and offered my hand to my enemies. I have been wronged, beaten and repeatedly insulted but it only gave me more understanding of love rather than hate. My heart was shattered by a man who wasn't ready to be a father but that didn't stop me from fulfilling my dream. I gave life to my son just as he gave a new life to me. I have given more and I have lived with just enough.

And in return, God took my life.

Why?

The serial killer kept on living while the victims were raped and killed; or why terrorism continued to exist and that innocent lives have to pay for it? My death wasn't any different. Just as the Holocaust, World War I&II, Revolution, famine –all have been created by humanity itself. Even the silent war that has been happening all around this era, the false reveries of the so called faith, and the accusations from science and cosmology. It will only cease if humanity choose to end the war instead of fighting so hard to win it.

I created mine when I left the orphanage and ended it when I decided to have my child.

I wish I could tell you how simple and beautiful it was to die.

Alas, you will have to see it with your own.