Catharsis II: An Army of Words (AUDITIONS)

Applicant #67: The War on Christmas

Today was the day. He watched the minutes go by – one after the other in his unorthodox clock. He smiled. He liked that word – unorthodox. It was also one way to describe him. From his rather small, brick-walled house to his clothes and to the way he spoke and walked – he was everything but ordinary.

Perhaps it was the only way to describe him.

But if anything else was unusual about him, it was the way he acted today. He was rather...excited. He smiled and jumped like a little boy when the clock struck finally struck twelve and he realized that it was Christmas. How this was completely out of the ordinary, well, our character here you see despises Christmas. He hates it to his very being. And to be excited on this very day. Well, it is really rather unusual, don't you think?

But there goes our character, whistling as he prepares a cup of peppermint mocha. He looked around momentarily, analyzing each and every sock above the fireplace, checking out his Christmas tree and lights, before smiling to himself as he began to dance to a jolly tune that seems like he made up himself.

Everything seemed perfect. Everything was beautiful and joyous. And it became even more so, for if one listens attentively, one can hear the distant sound of sleigh bells – which our character heard very clearly causing him to jump in joy as he hurried towards his closet.

He continued on rummaging in his closet even when he heard the sound of heavy feet walking upon his roof, even when he heard the loud thump as a heavy man landed on the floor, even when he heard the all-too-familiar Ho-Ho-Ho! Not once did he turn around.

He only finally did when a small yelp reached his ears. And no, he did not come bearing cookies and milk for the old man. He turned around holding a shotgun and aimed it at the helpless Santa Claus – that was currently trapped in a cage he set up. He grinned a nasty grin before muttering the words, "Ho-Ho-Ho. Merry Christmas, you old, filthy, fraud."

He then pulled the trigger.

Later on that day, we would learn that the man continued on his war on Christmas. News stations would be abuzz about the man who walked towards the center of a very busy mall yelling, "Merry Christmas" before setting off all the explosives taped to his body.

Why this man declared war on Christmas, nobody will ever know. For he made sure that that was a secret he would take to his grave.