Catharsis II: An Army of Words (AUDITIONS)

Applicant #39: My Kind of War

Time, 4:59 am.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

You lay in your bed, staring at the ceiling as you try to count the seconds away, hoping that you'll be able to sleep before you start thinking again all the things you don't want to think about.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

But, of course, you failed.

"I lied, I love her." He said. You remembered how you watched him intently in his eyes hoping that somewhere in there, it was a lie. But, you know him too well to know it wasn't.

You closed your eyes a little too tight hoping that those memories would go away like how he left you that day. That's quite pathetic, you should know.

But, of course, it was a far cry.

You never obeyed.

You held your breath as the scenes played out on your head. Open your eyes now M! Dodge the bullet. But, you pulled the trigger to a canon, instead.

He smiled, it was so beautiful, and your heart swelled...

...and then exploded as you watch him look at her the way he did to you before.

You curled your fist into a ball, and took in the pain like it was your own personal cocaine. You breathed it in so hard, you felt so numb.

Your heart trembled.

Your breathing became ragged - slow then fast, fast then slow. Control your thoughts, you can still run away from this.

But you like that torture. It was like you crave that pain so much, you'd let yourself crawl inside this battlefield where you let yourself go in ruins. It was a war between your mind and yourself.

"I know he will be back." You whispered.

Lies. Lies. Lies. Even with yourself, you lie.

That kind of faith was pathetic. But, it is the only thing you have in this war.

Your eyes opened involuntarily. You released the breath that you were not aware you were holding. It had felt like forever, isn't it?

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Your heart beating in sync with the clock.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Calm yourself, M.

Go on; take a deep breath to catch your breathing.

"I'm fine" You whispered.

Lies. Lies. Lies.

You tried picturing your memories back, but like a war zone, you can never picture that same place again without remembering the blood it shed.

"K." You said while you attempt to paste a painful smile in your face.

You lay in your bed, staring at the ceiling as you try to count the seconds away, hoping that you'll be able to sleep before you start thinking all the things you don't want to think about again.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Time, 5:00 am.

This was your kind of war,

The kind of war that can kill you with eyes open or not,

The one you can carry around,

And, the one that can kill you a hundred million times.