Used To Be Me

Chapter 33: Don't

Anna's Pov

I stared at the crumpled note in my hands, a smile making its way upon my face. I read the neat handwriting; "I had a really fun time hanging out yesterday! You look beautiful today. :)
-Louis"

After the period was over, I trotted towards the door of the classroom, with a swarm of students trailing behind me. I held my binders protectively to my chest, feeling a bit of irritation run through my veins. I had felt a tad claustrophobic whenever I was in tight spaces.

I felt a light nudge on my shoulder, seeing a flash of curly hair beside me. Louis had his usual messy fringe, with his expression holding his trademark pearly white smile spread across his features. I envied how happy he looked everyday, whereas I'm the kind of person who had the urge of slapping everyone across the face.

Too harsh? Please.

"Hi." I breathlessly greeted, strucken by his presence. I had felt as if I was a magnet, attracted to his company. It was practically impossible to not want to have a conversation with him, let alone even being beside him.

"Hello love." He replied.

My breath hitched at the name. Love. Well, since he had orginally come from Ireland, it must be normal for them.

"Hi." I mentally face palm myself in the face in embarrassment.

"I had a really good time yesterday. I hope we could hang out again! I have to go to class, I'll see ya later!"

"Bye!" I slightly waved my hand as he hurried off into an unfamiliar classroom. I stroll towards my desk, only to meet a cranky David next to me. I glanced down towards his arms, his hand thumb pressing down on his sleeve.

I furrowed my eyebrows my worry, asking, "Are you alright?"

It seemed as if he was in a trance, gazing down at the floor like it was the most interesting thing in the whole world. I waited for his response, but he never uttered a word.

It was scary to say the least. He wore bags under his eyes, with his hair covering them slightly. He wore plain black beanie on his head, followed by a grey sweater and dark skinny jeans, substituting his usual patterned shirt and his light trousers. He unconciously tugged down his sleeves, breathing steadily.

"D-david?" I repeated, grabbing on one of his wrists to prevent him from constantly sinking his thumb in his skin.

I jumped as he jerked his hand away from me, letting out an "Ow!".

"I'm sorry!" I exclaimed. "Did I hurt you? Let me check it." I reached again to grasp his wrist, only to be followed by his widened eyes and a yelp.

"No! I'm fine!" He spat. However, his eyes softened as he looked as me, slightly lowering his harsh facade.

"David, don't worry. Everything is okay. Is there anything wrong? Want to talk to me about something?"

His eyes were urging to tell me something, but he kept his mouth shut as the tardy bell rang and class began.

***

David's Pov (What?!)

Why doesn't anything go right? Whether I hope for the best or try my hardest, everything goes the opposite way and falls apart.

I feel as if everything I touch, I break. I already broke my family, my life, and myself.

It's not as if I wanted it to happen. I strived to keep everything composed, I always attempted to have a decent conversation with my parents, but no, it can't be that way.

When life gives you lemons, it's bitter as heck.

Why would Anna want to be with the brunette? Why does she stare at him like she used to do to me? Why does she laugh at his jokes louder than she does to mine? What's wrong with me?
Oh yeah, I'm a screwed up idiot.

As much as I want Anna's company, I don't want to break her like I do with everything else in my life. In my eyes, she's as fragile as glass; easy to be broken. She may act "tough", yet her actual personality isn't.

In similarities, my family can't even function properly. My father barely comes home, probably avoiding the hell we used to call home. To make matters even worse, my mom goes on so-called "hangouts" with her "friends" every week, which I definetely know were dates with her boss. It probably won't be long until they both file a divorce, and I could definitely care less.

I felt numb, like that everything in society was circling around me, yet, I couldn't feel a single thing. Even though I'm in a classroom full if people, I had never felt so alone. I was on my own.

I fed myself at home, constantly ignored my claimed "friends" at school, stood by as my grades lower continuously, and watched the most important person in my life drift away from me.

It was like I stopped trying.

However, I was definitely without a doubt going to stay alive. I still want to explore the world, have new experiences, find true love, and create a family. I couldn't bring myself to miss those wonderful things of life.

I blinked vigorously, relaxing my grip on my wrist.

I had promised myself I wouldn't do it. However, it was all too much. One "promised" cut turned into two, then three, then another. All I wanted was temporary comfort, which seemed to work, but I turned regretful as tears brimmed the corners of my eyes when I saw the dripping blood.

Don't, I would beg myself constantly.

Whenever something went wrong, I just started writing then down in an old notebook I had found in a random drawer. I had heard that therapists recommended this kind of stuff as a substitute. Instead of erasing my hurt and pain on my skin, might as well put it on something else. To be honest, it surprisingly helped so much, but some pages were occasionally torn out from random outbursts. 

I flinch as a bright pink crumpled sticky note flies onto my hands. I looked around cautiously around the room for the source, and met eyes with Anna's. She slightly nodded her head, urging me to open the note. I turn away my attention from the strawberry blond headed girl and carefully unravel the piece of paper,  making sure to not make a sound.

"Want to hang out today?" I read. I craned my neck towards my hopeful friend hesitantly nodding, since I had nothing better to do. I refrained from blushing as she beamed excitedly and her ponytail bounced in excitement.

Although we had hung out prior for our project, I had felt terribly nervous for this opportunity.

What if she sees the scars? What if she thinks I'm a freak? Why wouldn't she think that? You're an idiot. A freak. A screwup. A nobody. Nothing. Why can't you just leave this world? No one will even notice you're gone.

"Don't," I repeated to myself.

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Hello loves! I seriously have to apologize for the previous confusing chapter. Apparently, I had mistaken Louis for David and kept calling him David. I had already tweaked the chapter and changed the name to Louis. Very sorry! Please notify me if I make a confusing mistake throughout the story. Thanks for reading!