What I find more interesting than anything is that no matter how much research I do I can never actually know myself until I do something to prove it. I’ve been asked about getting ‘How To Write Poetry’ books and ‘How To Write Short Stories’ Books but really. It all comes down to me trying. You can’t tell someone how to write poetry. You can only give them advice. I can’t rhyme in poetry. I just can’t. I write what I feel fits one after the other. I never organize it or format it in a certain way. It’s impossible. My mind is a scatter of ideas that don’t always makes sense to tons of people but I go with it because it makes sense to me.
I recently saw a comic over a graduation speech of a valedictorian. What now? You’ve made it to the top of the class? She said at the beginning that she wasn’t any smarter than anyone else that was in the graduating class. She compared herself to what others were doing-the artist. In my thoughts.
What she said was a perfect example of how I see graduation as valedictorian. The last time I check I was rank 30 but in all honesty always got under right under the top 10%. Always. This year I’ll probably do the same thing. Throughout my school life I kind of figured out that when I didn’t try I did above average. So, if I tried than I could do more. I never did. Not with my grades anyway. I’ve come to find it useless for me since what I wanted to do was here. I wanted to write.
What I wanted to do was go to the University Of Texas in Austin and go to school there for writing since it’s known for its writing. Later, I found out that it’s not really want I wanted to do. I wondered why I never got recognized in colleges when I was younger because my friends would always receive something of their interest. But I never did. That was because I didn’t like about my ‘fantasy’. I wanted to be in a band of my own, I wanted to write, I wanted to go out and play music. No college is interested in that.
As I got older my skills in taking test degraded. Everyone went in with panic in their hearts but I just did what I could and didn’t think twice about an answer. Well, apparently my knowledge in school is dull. I paid attention in every class. The only thing is that I could never remember what I learned. So I guess you could say I never learned it but I always participated and I was always willing to help.
I’m going to be a senior in high school this year. All I’m planning on doing is walking the stage. Everyone knows who the valedictorian is going to be. She’s planning on being in the military. I talked with her a couple of times though. She told me that not a lot of the things in class interest her but she studies so she can do her all out best. She’s also known for doing all the extra credit even if she wasn’t going to help her. She just did it. I guess you could say she had a lot of spare time.
I’m looking forward to her speech. She doesn’t talk a lot in public or in crowds. I’d love to keep up with her just to see what happens. Most of the people in the top ten want to be an engineer of some sort. Looking at the structures is pretty amazing for me. If I could learn how to do that I would. I wouldn’t want to do it for a living.
Which is why I picked writing and music. I can always look up opening auditions or just practice on my own to get better. I’ll never be bored. I still want to move to Austin but not for the college. I want to go because I want to be where the entertainment is. There’s open people and so much that I can do. Other friends of mine want to move to Austin as well. Around here it’s like a musician’s dream.
I may or may not make a band of my own. I’m bad with memorizing so I don’t know memorizing my own music is going to work but we’ll see. I’m leaving myself to the bass so I won’t have a lot of trouble I could just keep the lines simple until I really know what I want to do.
For the next nine months (My school year) I’ll be working with artist around me and talking with them to see what I can do. I’m planning on being in the play again but this time not for Naomi’s sake. I’m going to be in it because it was fun. I’ll then talk to Heck who’s the theater teacher at my school. He likes going by his first time which surprised me when I heard his last name. I was like… They’re the same person? But yea. I’ll probably have a sit down talk with him.
