Lily,
I haven’t touched the journal that I’ve written to you nor do I have it right now so I’m going to write on here for now. *sigh* I don’t know what it is why you and I but we have this weird relationship and I said I wanted to fix it but really I don’t think it’s broken. Is it weird that I really think that you’re supposed to be in my future?
I don’t want to write so much to you but I really think something has been wrong in the couple of times that I haven’t talked to you. For example, every time that I talk to you it just feels different. I may get to see you on the Fifth. I’m not putting my faith into it though. If there’s anything that I’ve learned about you. It’s that when I’m around… You tend to not want to be there.
I’m remembering those entries I wrote to you that weren’t my happiest days. This is another one of those. One of those days that I wish you could just be okay with being by me. I’ve done so much damage to you I want to cry because I mean. If it doesn’t get through your head now I don’t know if it will ever. Because… Well- I’ve told you when I was happy, sad, or angry, or what ever I’m feeling. I’ve told you that you’re the person I care about the most and that is by far true.
At the same time though. Because of that. I think four-five years is my limit. I’m starting to lose the will to want to see you. It’s getting to the point where I just want to get up and leave and if you want me or need me it’s going to have to be you chancing after me because I am done. Girl, I love you and you know that. It’s so hard to put it in your face anymore.
I don’t know if you’ll ever go after me. Or if you even care anymore. I stopped trying to interpret you. I just know something’s wrong. So I’m going to just tell you that I’m done for now. Right now. It’s getting closer to me completely forgetting the situation.
I wish I could start over. That’s all. I told you this’d be short. I have to go now.
-The only thing I wish is that I could tell you while looking in your eyes, good bye.-
